Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Squares

Life is complicated. So much is going on- we're going to Hawaii next Tuesday (YAY!), Judah's birthday is this week, I'm working on several new projects at work, we have a flea problem at home, I've got acid reflux disease, I'm trying to eat healthier, I'm playing in a fun tournament at work for league of legends, my son is asking deep questions that show he is grappling with understanding the whys of life, our garage door is broken, our vacuum popped a hose, we have a new vet bill, I'm trying to play drums for my uncle's church but it's not helping anything, and about 30 more things. It stresses me out to no end when I Ping-Pong back and forth between various tasks, issues, problems, and trains of thought. The only way I find a semblance of serenity is when I structure things and approach them in a methodical way- this is why computers probably calm me, why I enjoy techno music, why I chart and graph my monthly budgets, and why I love looking at stat sheets on my favorite football team, my performance in my computer games, and so on.

I don't have solutions lined up for all of the above problems, but when I segment them out and come up with a plan, it relieves a lot of the related stress for them. Finances, for instance- I'm pretty much always stressed about finances in the 3rd and 4th week of the month, because I sit down and write out my bills, look at my income to operating cost, etc in week 1. So week 1 and 2 I feel stress-free about my finances. Ask my wife- she gets frustrated at me about two weeks every month regarding finances, because I will say we don't have money for this or that, even though the first two weeks we went out to eat twice and I bought some books and $40 worth of flea repellent gear. :) Probably not going to change a whole lot in the foreseeable future, besides the usual one month respite during bonus season where we buy all the things.

I need to work on plans for the things that are still stressing me out... I need to sit down and make decisions on the garage door, on playing drums at church, the vacuum, and so many other things. Maybe I can take some time while I'm in Hawaii and think about them while I'm more removed from the situation and thinking a little more clearly. Yeah, that sounds like a great idea- boom, just made a plan. :)

Tuesday, July 09, 2013

80s music, and awesomeness.

When I was about 7 years old (or around there), I started falling in love with music. Not just "ooh, this is a good song, cool" but really, listening to the music, understanding the lyrics, and finding the passion that was in each line. I had a little portable tape player, and just one or two tapes that I'd listen to over and over. My mom took notice after a few weeks, sat me down in her bedroom, closed the door, and gave me a stack of over 20 tapes. Things like Whiteheart, Petra, U2, Bryan Adams, Richard Marx, and tons of other great rock anthem type 80s stuff. She explained the passion behind some of the songs- most of it was Christian, and all of it was very interesting to me. I got stuck on "This Means War" by Petra for about a month after that.


Fast forward 20 years, my son is in love with a couple of really interesting songs. He is singing them every day, and showing lots of interest. I started to try and explain to him the passion behind the music, and I gave him a CD to listen to, but... maybe it's just me and my poor attempt at it, but you just can't compare to that 80s music that drew me in.

I've been listening to the 80's station on Pandora recently, and the most incredible music from my early years pops up and has me passionately re-living a lot of those early years- Some really great songs from Journey, ACDC, Bon Jovi, etc. Man, those guys knew how to deliver passion on a platter. Singing their hearts out about the briefest of encounters with a woman, or a brush with fate- anything they could get their hands on.

I'll keep trying with Judah, I'm hoping I can really show him this kind of stuff, but I have a feeling that it'll just naturally happen, with how interested in everything he is. Judah is eager to learn and discover *everything.* There isn't a hobby, topic, or job he doesn't want to have in the world, and that love of life and passion inside his little 4 year old brain is mesmerizing. One of the best side effects for me is that it gives me something to really treasure and appreciate about life right now, amidst the mundane that I've talked about in previous blog posts.

Listen to some 80s music for me and relive the rock 'n roll era! It's amazing! (Sure beats Justin Beiber and Rihanna garbage)

Monday, July 01, 2013

Hawaii...

Can't wait for Hawaii to get here. 23 days...

We had such a great time in Hawaii two years ago, we're basically just going to do the same thing again. I remember it was weird, without the kids- like, when I woke up, I didn't haveto immediately get up and clean, feed, or comfort something. You can actually just sit there without feeling guilty that there's a million things that need to be done.

Mostly, I feel like our lives are a little mundane lately. I guess we're just in a season of our lives where practicality reigns supreme, and we're just so busy running around doing errands and taking care of children that it's pretty hard to stop and smell the roses and write poetry about our lives or anything like that. I feel that way not just in my personal life, but also in my church life. So many times people talk about how God is leading them to do this or that, to not drink that milkshake, or to change your oil, or whatever- and part of me skeptically thinks these people are full of hot air, and the other part just acknowledges that I'm not at that kind of a place right now. Everything is in dollars and cents, or hours spent, and my only recourse is generally just to do something physically fun and entertaining.

I took Rosemary to the track last weekend, and that was a blast. I went with Papa John and the kids to a BMW E30 picnic yesterday, also quite fun. I feel like I'm just hopping through life trying to do enough fun things so I don't check out and just go all Lando Carlissian's aide LOBOT. That might sound unfair to my wonderful wife and kids, but I know Rosemary is going through just about the same thing as well. I just find my fun in really fleshly entertainment like video games and driving fast and working on things.

I'm sure one day I'll have the time and energy to really dive back into a more philosophical & thoughtful style of living... but until then, I guess I'll keep just trying to make sure my kids are fed, changed, and learning, while getting as many reasonable breaks as I can.