Thursday, October 26, 2006

I am nearly losing it today.

Oh, it was just an average day, as usual- worked a little late last night, got to work this morning at a good ripe time of 9:30 or so... And, well, the mornings *always* start slow at microsoft (most people get in at 10 or later, and need their coffee and first few meetings of the day to start winding up) but today was a bit different. After lunch, (had a wonderful teriyaki dish- fried rice and spicy chicken) I was watching this little trailer for an awesome xbox game that is coming out, called Gears of War. It looks really cool, and it looks like it'll probably be the next best game for a very long time. The song they attached to the trailer was a bit of a memory from, what is a few years ago now. The song was "Mad World" from the movie Donnie Darko. Its the kind of song that talks about living in a mad world. So true, these days. The last time I heard that song was when I was with Amy. Well, I decided to mention it to Amy (she loved that song) and I love a good opportunity to talk to her. Well, before she had to go to work, she reminded me that I need to blog more. As everyone reminds me that actually reads this. I decided to glance at her blog to see whats up with her, see if she is doing alright, and of course, like the last 6 months, just a lot of little entries that don't mean much. But I just started hurting for her. I spent so much time trying to make her happy, so much time trying to share God with her, and I find it perfectly acceptable that she doesn't believe in God, especially after I got her to go to church as many times as I could. Ultimately, its people's choice, you can't make it for them- you just haveto do your due diligence and show them the way, they haveto walk it. But you know, in this world, everything is so messed up. I am sitting in a meeting right now for a big fancy schmancy release thats probably costing microsoft millions of dollars, etc, and I'm sitting here near tears over someone that I care deeply about, because I know the world has swallowed her whole. And then I go look at her boyfriend's blog, and then I go look at Mike's myspace, and then I look at the people in my life- my family members, my friends. Every page was full of hidden pain and loneliness and need. Need for something more.

And almost every single one of them is being swallowed whole by the world. Or they are struggling not to get consumed in it, but the grip of the world is stronger than... well, than anything, really.

Is there any decency? Is there any honor in the world? Surely I don't see it. I am sitting here breaking apart for people around me. The things of this world have gripped them harder than anything else in life, and there is nothing I can do about it. I sit here and see people struggle with lifelong issues, lifelong lies from Satan himself, designed specifically to ruin people and bring them down and rob them of an amazing life.

Only miracles can save these people now.



People I am praying for today:

I love these people from the bottom of my heart.


rosemary said...

This all sounds strangely familiar to some things that I have been talking to you about lately, but from a different perspective. (pardon the microsoft lingo). I see people around me, all of whom were close to me, and I see a pattern that I can't seem to stop. Almost every single really close friend that I have had (save one) has turned away from the things that they know are true, and their worlds spiral out of control. They do things that they KNOW are wrong and/or stupid, but they do them anyways...
and I am helpless.
But then I look at my life, and it is, for the most part, good. Of course I have my problems and I am, of course, not perfect. But I don't understand why my life turned out to be so good, and everyone around me is screwing theirs up? Some say that it's because I am following God, but weren't the others following God as well? Perhaps not now... but they were.
So I once again have to ask the question: why did I get the good life?
Yet at the same time, I'm not sure that these people realize how much it hurts me to see them the way they are. Nothing hurts me more that to see someone walk away from God. It is unbearable. But they probably don't believe that, because my life is good... so how could I possibly understand.
Maybe I should start my own blog. Hehe :)

Ricky said...

yeah. either that or I could let you post on mine. :/