Thursday, October 26, 2006


Where are you in this world? We need you more than we can possibly imagine, and the vast majority of us don't even know it.

Come quickly, and stop this world from spinning apart.
I am nearly losing it today.

Oh, it was just an average day, as usual- worked a little late last night, got to work this morning at a good ripe time of 9:30 or so... And, well, the mornings *always* start slow at microsoft (most people get in at 10 or later, and need their coffee and first few meetings of the day to start winding up) but today was a bit different. After lunch, (had a wonderful teriyaki dish- fried rice and spicy chicken) I was watching this little trailer for an awesome xbox game that is coming out, called Gears of War. It looks really cool, and it looks like it'll probably be the next best game for a very long time. The song they attached to the trailer was a bit of a memory from, what is a few years ago now. The song was "Mad World" from the movie Donnie Darko. Its the kind of song that talks about living in a mad world. So true, these days. The last time I heard that song was when I was with Amy. Well, I decided to mention it to Amy (she loved that song) and I love a good opportunity to talk to her. Well, before she had to go to work, she reminded me that I need to blog more. As everyone reminds me that actually reads this. I decided to glance at her blog to see whats up with her, see if she is doing alright, and of course, like the last 6 months, just a lot of little entries that don't mean much. But I just started hurting for her. I spent so much time trying to make her happy, so much time trying to share God with her, and I find it perfectly acceptable that she doesn't believe in God, especially after I got her to go to church as many times as I could. Ultimately, its people's choice, you can't make it for them- you just haveto do your due diligence and show them the way, they haveto walk it. But you know, in this world, everything is so messed up. I am sitting in a meeting right now for a big fancy schmancy release thats probably costing microsoft millions of dollars, etc, and I'm sitting here near tears over someone that I care deeply about, because I know the world has swallowed her whole. And then I go look at her boyfriend's blog, and then I go look at Mike's myspace, and then I look at the people in my life- my family members, my friends. Every page was full of hidden pain and loneliness and need. Need for something more.

And almost every single one of them is being swallowed whole by the world. Or they are struggling not to get consumed in it, but the grip of the world is stronger than... well, than anything, really.

Is there any decency? Is there any honor in the world? Surely I don't see it. I am sitting here breaking apart for people around me. The things of this world have gripped them harder than anything else in life, and there is nothing I can do about it. I sit here and see people struggle with lifelong issues, lifelong lies from Satan himself, designed specifically to ruin people and bring them down and rob them of an amazing life.

Only miracles can save these people now.



People I am praying for today:

I love these people from the bottom of my heart.

Monday, October 23, 2006

Dry things catch on fire easy.


I've been feeling a bit spiritually dry lately.

I mean, I still feel completely anointed and in love with God, and the fruits are totally in my life (miraculous prayers coming true mere hours after I pray them, awesome prayer times, great revelations)

not to mention my actions of sacrifice, and commitment to God are no less whatsoever, putting Him first in everything I do.

Life just gets so busy that the passion slowly gets leaked out of it sometimes. For me, its been wedding planning, work, working on my financial life (getting ready for marriage is a lot more than it seems- truly) and all of the other parts of life, that it just seems a bit like a routine after a while. Not that I'm not content or anything- I've basically got the best fiancée in the world, and I serve a living God (a lot more than most can claim..) and I've got awesome opportunities in every area of my life. So life is good, but, at this time in my life, leading up to marriage, preparing for a very new, very different lifestyle, I find myself in a season (christianese please) of my life where I am more concentrating on the details than the emotions. Which is fine, this stuff needs to get taken care of, and of course the experience of it all is necessary for my future. Serving God isn't always falling on your face and feeling broken. It's often obeying his will for your life in other areas that don't feel so emotional- being responsible, taking care of things, tithing. I mean, it doesn't make me feel especially close to God when I'm planning an NXG event or giving someone a ride back to church, but all in all- it is service to God. I guess my most intense feelings at this time are for Rosemary. Which makes sense- this is supposed to be some of the best times of my life.

Even when I'm standing up at the front worshipping and giving God my all- I feel like I am more aware of my surroundings and a little less plugged in than usual. Not that I'm not giving it my all, but more that I'm making sure the service is running alright and looking for opportunities to help the service or the people.

It feels like the practicalities of loving God are starting to rise to the top now, instead of the purely spiritual side of things. It sure does take quite a bit of maturity to walk through these learning periods with your devotions and services intact.

Love ya all,

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Alright, so, continuing on from the last post here.

The meaning of marriage.

Well, its pretty much to devote your life to one person faithfully in all areas until you die. Pretty much every set of marriage vows I've looked over pretty adequetly explain all of this. I wonder how people can talk themselves into saying those words and then somehow, someway, convince themselves they really meant nothing or were somehow invalidated. Okay, for example, here are some vows (probably not the ones I will use, but for example sake go with me here!):

I Bride take you Husband
To be my wedded husband.
I promise to share with you
In good times and in bad.
my love and my life.
I will love and comfort you,
Honor and respect you.
With you I will share
all my life has to offer:
My hopes, my dreams,
My achievements and disappointments
From this day forward,
Until death do us part.

I Groom take you Bride
To be my wedded wife..
I promise to share with you
In good times and in bad.
my love and my life.
I will love, protect and comfort you,
Honor and respect you.
With you I will share
all my life has to offer:
My hopes, my dreams,
My achievements and disappointments
From this day forward,
Until death do us part.

Okay. So, anywhere in there, do you see the words "Unless?"
Or do you see the word "sometimes?"
Or maybe, "When you feel like it" or "When strength allows"


It says til death do us part. No other reason could possibly part you two. At all. Now that, to me, is marriage. People can tell me time and time again that they divorced for this reason, or that reason, and yes it makes valid sense, but you know what? They broke their promise. They sinned,(Romans 7:2- "by law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law of marriage.") according to the word of God that commands us not to divorce, and they went back on the second most important promise in their life. The first being, of course, choosing to follow God, if such a decision did occur in their life.

So how does one actually make that commitment that so many hundreds of millions have made, and broke, and re-insert meaning into it? Not easily, I assure you. Just like the words "I love you" in a Jr. High School, the word "Marriage" has really just turned into a giddy starry-eyed affectionate word, instead of carrying with it the power and sanctification that God created it for in the very beginning of mankind.

I was created for greatness by God himself, and I was not created for divorce. God never intended for humans to have divorce, and I will never let it mar the marrow of my bones or the flesh of my heart. Thats the commitment I will be making on January 27th to Rosemary, and we're thinking about having a really small, private ceremony, to have our own covenant of marriage with God that we can keep in the holiest part of our hearts, where marriage should have never left in the hearts of all humans.
So, I was about to post the definition of marriage on my blog, to show that it talked about lifelong commitment to just one person. I was thinking, how slick of me to prove a point that is so lost on this world these days.

Then, as my devious fingers finish typing in the word over at and the definitions come up, my smile fell, and a scowl of Mandy-like proportions came over my face.

Yes, the world has influenced the definitions of marriage, even in the good old Mirriam Webster dictionary. Nowhere could it be found that marriage is a *lifelong* commitment. And in fact, it even referenced divorce in the very definition of marriage.

I don't know whether this proves my point more, or less, to be honest.

You see, getting married in the new millenia is hard to do. I thought out a family tree to myself, and there were only two couples that had not been touched by divorce- my parents, and my grandparents on my father's side.

It is no easy task to be an honorable person these days. With moral relativity such a common thread among society, even in christian circles, anyone can find any reason to divorce at any time. This circumvents the entire reason to get married. In fact, a lot of really smart non-christian people are just not getting married, for fear of becoming yet another statistic of divorce. Rightfully so in my opinion- if you are worried about getting divorced, DON'T GET MARRIED! pretty simple, really.

So, in an effort to return some semblance of meaning to the idea of Marriage in my life, I have been having some interesting conversations lately. Conversations with atheists, conversations with my Fiance, conversations with moderate christians. I've pretty much come to the conclusion that the entire idea of marriage in our world is so far gone, so far corrupt, that it is near worthless.

I'm glad I'm not a part of the world, then. Whew. I'll follow this up with another post. Because people complain when my posts are too long. :)