Thursday, August 24, 2006

well, things sure have taken a turn for the worse.


Rosemary aint doin so hot, thats for sure... shes stuck a few thousand miles away, and she doesn't even know why she went in the first place any more. She misses me so much and feels so dead and so much pain that she doesn't even want to keep serving, she just wants to come home.

Oh, how I wish she could just come home... I miss her more than I could ever explain, and I just can't seem to operate very efficiently without her any more.
Since the day we started dating, we've only spent 10 days apart. and 8 of those days were when I was in florida, about, 8 months ago.

so, what, 10 days, out of... 250? and all of those days were definitely in the early part of our relationship. We've pretty much grown inseperable, and we pretty much need eachother. I guess that makes sense why we're getting married- thats the point, right? You find someone you can't live without, and then you hit them over the head and drag them back to your cave. Too bad things can get more complicated than that sometimes. :(

I feel like I'm in a bit of a no-win situation now, too. I tell her to stay, because I'd be robbing her of what God has for her down there if I didn't. She deserves what God has brought her there for- he sure does have good reasoning to be putting us through this much pain, thats for sure. But, I feel bad for telling her to stay, because our hearts just cry out with pain and it feels so unloving when I say that, even though its the exact opposite. But, if I told her to come back home now, I wouldn't really be able to look at myself in the mirror for quite a while. Its pretty darn selfish and not very honorable, integrous... it robs God of what he was trying to do here. Either way it sucks hardcore... and the worst part is, shes not here to help me through a tough decision kind of thing- she IS the decision. heh.

Well thats that. ugh... I can't live without her.

3 comments:

Rosemary said...

then marry me...

Rosemary said...

I miss you so bad, baby. I wish I was with you right now. There is nothing that the world could give me that would satisfy me, but you here in my arms right now. My heart and body ache for you. I love you so much. I am counting the days until I am complete again. I love you more than life.

Anonymous said...

hang in there kiddo