well, I've got my answers. I don't know if I can even explain whats happened in between my last post, dec. 28th, and this day. I'll give it a shot though, because thats kind of the purpose of a blog. :)
That night, after I posted my blog, I wrote a letter to God concerning my question I was deathly afraid of. Before I was even finished writing it, I had my answer. My confusion went away, and I had God's peace. I slept like a baby. I've got God's hand on my life, and he showed me that. I am walking in his light. Thats what I needed to know. Why?
In all of my life, I have sought to do the right thing. I hate faulting, I hate tripping up, I hate going down fruitless hurtful paths. I don't want to pursue things that don't have God's will in them, because they are just a waste of time. hurtful relationships, mostly- because its so easy to start trusting someone, even when its not God's will or direction. Why? Well, God commands me to love everyone... and so I do. So I had to know that he wanted me to place my hand in hers, and to really enter in to a relationship. I had to know, that God is with me.
So, since that night, its just been worship. Worship for God, because he is good. How many millions of times have I proclaimed him as my Savior, my Shepherd, my King. And look, look what he has led me to.
Because of that, I worshipped him. And then, I looked around, and I seized the moment- I decided to ask of God. I decided to humble myself before his throne, and lay my requests at his feet. Because he had given to me, so I prayed that he make his gifts fruitful, powerful, heavenly, other-worldly. Because I am not a product of this world, I am a product of God, and I do not live by this world's standards. And so the fruit I want in my life, I ask for it to be holy, pure, sanctified, righteous, supernatural. He has given me everything I've ever asked of him, and so now, I go to him and lift him up in praise, and ask him for his Glory in every area of my life. Ask and you shall receive! And so I ASK of my maker.
Its not just one area of my life that has been so abundantly blessed. Its been
every area. Look, let me show you.
I have an interview date for Tuesday, January 17th, for a full benefits salaried position at microsoft. Umm, ever since I was stinkin ten years old I wanted to work at microsoft, to have that blue badge. I worked SO HARD at it since I had that first dream. I got certified at a young age, I tore computers apart, put them back together, I learned strange programming languages, I volunteered at tech schools, I did pretty much everything I could to get here. But it wasn't all that work of mine that brought me here, it was God. He paved the way. I'm a little anxious for my interviews, but I know, as God is my Saviour, that his plans will be done.
Or, or, in my service to God- I'm starting in a new role as a leader of a men's group at church. God placed me smack in the middle of a leadership role, and I didn't even realize what he was doing until I was there. And then, he BLESSED me in it- he took the passion he has given me, and he poured it over these men of God, and I tell you, he showed up. I've never felt so anointed in my life, than last night, when I laid hands on people, and we praised God for his goodness because of what he had done.
I never knew God planted that in me. It shocked me.
You know, if you are reading this right now, and you're thinking "what a crazy Jesus Freak." I would say to you, you are absolutely right. And you'll never find the fullness and greatness of God until you seek after it with your whole heart and ALL of your actions. Go back, and read my blog from a couple months ago. Where I came upon the realization that I was crawling in my christianity. And then I said, that I will learn to walk my path- and not crawl. Boom, here it is.
I've never experienced this kind of fullness pursuing the world. And nobody will.
That was probably a pretty long post. :)