Saturday, December 24, 2005

I think I have all my cards out on the table.

I'm a little sad that events conspire against me(us), even during a time of giving holidays. Alas, days go by, and all I want is to just be with you. I don't even think I'd care what we'd be doing.

I feel awkward just saying that, I suppose. I don't want to do what I did the first time, and scare you. It's alright now, I guess, because you can see my intentions and my motives. You can probably see right through me. Thats how this works, though. I trust you.

Sometimes I feel like rain is the only way I can feel God's tears for me. God's tears with me. It makes me feel alive, the same way sucking the marrow out of the bible in the freezing cold at 2 AM makes me feel alive. Thats why I wanted to share it with you.

The rest of my thoughts, I will not publish, on this, my own journal. For those thoughts, they are none of the public's business. :)

4 comments:

Rosemary said...

Ricky,
i know that i've already told you this, but you took me somewhere i never thought i was able to go. you swept me off my feet, and you've shown me God's passion and love deeper than i've ever known. there's alot that i want to say to you, and i will, but not here. thank you for sharing this with me, and i'm glad that we were able to fight the world back and be able to see each other during christmas eve... and christmas day. we can do this, and i'll be by your side every step of the way.

-Rosemary-

Rosemary Ochs said...

Flash forward...

We have a beautiful son.

God, how could I have ever seen this coming? What an amazing life you've given me, and an even more amazing husband! How could I have ever asked or prayed for this? It's beyond what I ever could have imagined.

I love you.

Ricky, remember this? When I was learning to love for the first time? And what we felt then is so much smaller than what we have now. I still can't stop thinking about you and I fall deeper in love with you everyday. You told me it was possible, and I didn't believe you. At least I know now that you are usually right.

I love you.

Judah, we'll explain all of this to you when you are old enough to understand. For now, just soak up how much mommy and daddy love you, and when you are at the crossroads, it will be clear to you.

I love you.

Ricky said...

Wow, reading this entry was awesome. Reading about this first week of you and me, of what God did for us. Because to be honest, it felt like a small piece of heaven on earth, like God wants us to experience. To see the steam from your breath in the night, sitting on a bench at the marina... to look into your eyes and realize that if I had to, I'd sit there until I died, as long as you were there. To be alive for something greater than yourself, to experience something that God has given you, that he has orchestrated for you. And it had his signature on it- love. The crazy rediculous love that makes you dizzy and want to vomit, haha. Rosemary, I love you more than I can possibly explain, and this post shows that I am fully yours, and I was made for you, and I gave you my all from day one, and I always will.

I can't wait to share this kind of life that God gives us, with Judah.

Kat said...

I love seeing you two share openly your love for each other, your son, and most importantly, your thankfullness to God who brought it all about.

There is no greater joy on this earth than seeing my children live a Godly, rewarding life. You two have made my heart (and my eyes) very full this morning!