Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Wowweee!

Have you ever touched your tongue to a 9 volt?
Have you ever touched your tongue to a CAR BATTERY?

I haven't either- but now I know what it feels like! Feels like my stomach is gonna float off without me- all the flutterbys in it. Or stomach eating moths. Or killer bees?

I'm so happy that I can sit down with a bible in my lap and apply it to my life- every area of my life. The consistancy of that has been what has provided me with answered prayers and prophesies of miracles unheard of- and this new leaf I am turning over is just a part of that. It makes me feel like I, WE, have a purpose far beyond what we could ever dream of. I know God has things in store for me, he will make me grow, learn, stretch me, push me, make me a better servant. I can't even explain it any more.

It is so overwhelming- I'll need to take a night and just write it all out. I doubt it'll be on my blog, but it'll be on paper by my bedside.

There is a question that I'm deathly afraid to ask God. I'm scared of the answer. I'm scared of the question. I'm scared of... what it really means.

Saturday, December 24, 2005

I think I have all my cards out on the table.

I'm a little sad that events conspire against me(us), even during a time of giving holidays. Alas, days go by, and all I want is to just be with you. I don't even think I'd care what we'd be doing.

I feel awkward just saying that, I suppose. I don't want to do what I did the first time, and scare you. It's alright now, I guess, because you can see my intentions and my motives. You can probably see right through me. Thats how this works, though. I trust you.

Sometimes I feel like rain is the only way I can feel God's tears for me. God's tears with me. It makes me feel alive, the same way sucking the marrow out of the bible in the freezing cold at 2 AM makes me feel alive. Thats why I wanted to share it with you.

The rest of my thoughts, I will not publish, on this, my own journal. For those thoughts, they are none of the public's business. :)

Monday, December 19, 2005

Hmm- kind of an interesting situation this morning.
I've got some conflicted emotions right now. I'm feeling a little bummed about the condo, I think maybe I let Daniel get too excited about it, and it kind of built it up in my mind- which was a let down, because my offer was declined (two other offers on the same day, and the real estate agent was the buyer and seller's agent, meaning she gets twice the money if that offer goes through). So that kinda struck a chord! But its no big deal really, I'll find a better one. :)
And, the guy I sit with in my cubicle, who I've been training for a couple months now... it just isn't working very well. He's had this build for 3 1/2 weeks, and it still isn't done. People are wondering, and it looks like I need to step in and get it done. Hes a older fellow, and he is very insecure, so when I started trying to help him out with the build he felt a little hurt because he couldn't do it himself. He kinda threw out a few excuses about the instructions and stuff, and he is constantly saying "I'm sorry" and things like, "I am a technical person, if I can't figure it out it must not be my fault, its just bad instructions" and stuff like that. But every time he gets stuck, for like, a whole day, it takes me 30 seconds to fix it. Bah! It's aggravating me a bit. I'm trying to encourage him and give him confidence, but there is only so much I can do. He is asking me if I'm going to "let him go" or if he is "not a good match for this job." bah. Whats worse is, he is a kind hearted christian guy with a family. Tough.

Yesterday was fantastic though! We did a drum special at church, first service went off flawlessly, and second service was hilarious, my drum kept falling off the box it was on. hahahaha, I had such a hard time keeping a straight face. It messed up George too, he was too busy trying not to laugh and he missed our one measure rest. We laughed about it back stage for 10 minutes :) Then we had a christmas party- and that was great, but my mind was elsewhere. It was good to hug all the family members again though. And the rest of the night was... fantastic. :) Best evening in a very long while.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

I've got a lot to blog about! It's been a good 11 days since the last blog.

I don't really know where to start, but I'll start with what occupies my mind more. I am now in a relationship, and its not like any I've ever experienced before. I feel awkward again. I feel confused again. I haven't really felt that way since I was sixteen or so. I find myself looking at what I say and just laughing at my fumbling bumbling self. I haven't blushed this much in years. I haven't babbled to friends with excitement like this... ever. I feel so silly and awkward, like a puppy that has ears longer than its legs and it keeps tripping over itself to get somewhere. We had kind of a rough start to be honest- but the fact that we started off on the right foot, with banners of trust and communication has really seen us through thus far, and most likely will see us through more situations. All in all, God's will be done, and it just makes me want to praise him more and give him my all in everything I do. I'm sure this awkward time will pass, and I can't wait to have a wonderful relationship based off of scripture and God's will. I don't think I've ever experienced that before, and that excites me. I'm not in love or anything, but I am excited to pursue a Godly relationship. I hope I don't screw anything up!! Knowing me, I will. hehe. But my trust is in God.


So the next thing is, my living situation. I put an offer down on a condo friday, for a hundred and ninety-thousand dollars. holy smokes! I can't believe I just offered to pay someone that much money for something. Its a great place though. Two bedroom, two bath, one car garage, nice and spacious... 1260 square feet. Not bad at all. I'm excited, and I hope I get it. I'm a tad nervous about getting the loan, and having that level of payments due every month. I'll need to save up some buffer in case something happens, because with the condo it won't leave me with much money left over per month. Until my car insurance goes down at least...

In conclusion, I need to continue to put my trust in God, and I need to continue to build my faith. There is nothing more important than that, and he will lead me beside still waters and make me lie down in green pastures. He will take care of me, because his love for me is greater than any love this world has or ever will have.

I'm excited to pursue what God has set before me.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Woo. So.


I'm so glad, that no matter what happens, I can always fall back here and write things. Pretty much nobody reads it, so I can vent a bit and still feel not so guilty about venting to people and leaning on them.

So, the move to sammamish was crayzayyy. It started off great, shared a big nice open cube with one other guy, was right next to all the fun people that I need to be next to, etc. Then, the managers had to move people around because some of the people were complaining ( my boss especially... I'll get to that later). So we all moved, to acommodate the people that wanted their own cubicle, or whatever requests they had. After I set all my stuff up. Gah! So I start packing up, and three people run over and start putting there stuff on my desk before I'm done moving. I got a little testy and said "Hey, can you wait until I'm done, that way its easier?" hehe. Maybe not so testy, but I felt testy inside. So I move to this new cubicle... which happens to be across the entire building, and lo and behold three people are still occupying it. So I just park the move cart and walk off, deciding to grab lunch with some friends to cool down. Well, go figure, the cafeteria has the exact same items to offer as my old cafeteria. Joy. So I get back from lunch, attend some meetings (where everyone is still mad because of the move), get pushed around a bit by managers that don't know how to do their job, and then by 3 my cubicle has been vacated, but left there is a bunch of junk. Empty cans, some fans, cords, etc. So I move all that stuff out, and start setting my stuff back up. I said to myself, OK, no biggie- I'll get set up and it'll be fine, I'll have a nice place. Then, two people come in, both on my build team... to sit in this cube with me. One guy that I've been training for the last two months to replace me on a project, who can't stop asking me questions he should already know the answer to, (or tell me war stories), and a sweet little indian girl who has some amazing (not in a good way) body odor. (Remember, I'm venting here, so I'm allowed to be grumpy)

Ok, ok... thats ok... until:

(Cubicle)
____________
| Me|
| Fat Guy |
| |
|girl ____|


So as you can see, the fat guy decides to sit right in between the girl and I. Well thats fine. I am small. Until he decides to move his elbows, or try to get up, or breathe. In those cases, he is less than six inches away from me, or touching me. That, I cannot stand. Its cool to be cramped- but I don't like touching old fat guys. Or when he decides my phone is now his personal phone for all phone calls he decides he should make. Bah!

I tried to start the day well but it just didnt work. And during all of this move fiasco, I had to make sure two deployments were going well, and mop up after the guy I am training made some pretty ugly errors (which falls on my head, since I'm lead). And I get called on the way home to be told about the errors that were made that I am responsible for. Sweet!

Oh and my boss is extremely mad and wants to quit. I saw him fixing up his resume, and he left early to attend a job event for the xbox team. Quite the morale booster when your boss doesn't even want to stay, and he tells you.

Gah. And that was justwork!

So,

I think myspace is just another form of drug. Hear me out! I logged on for a sec yesterday, and it just gave me this sickly feeling.

People use it to feel loved. Read their screen names. Look at their pictures. These people, they want to be loved. They have this giant gaping need in their lives- like everyone. Some try drugs to fill it, some try alcohol, some try bar hopping/clubs, some get lost in whatever they can find to look for some love. Gosh, I wish I could just show them all God's love for them. Its more than they can imagine, and its more than they can ever find with myspace, drugs, alcohol, bars. It makes me so sad to see these people chasing after Ghosts put before them, only to never be able to reach what they are running towards. Because it's not there, its an illusion.

So yah, that was my Ricky Rant (tm) for the day I guess! hmm, what else... I guess I need to work on my resume, because I'll be going through the interview loop here soon for the FTE position. I had a wonderful chat with one of the higher ups that I really trust about my situation, and I feel good about what we talked about, but I've definitely got a lot in front of me. I was blessed by being hired at microsoft at barely 19. His specific words that really struck me, after the conversation was pretty much over was this: "Minh gave you an amazing opportunity to start here at the age of 19. Don't waste it on a dead-end build job." I take that to heart, because its so true! I can go blue now, and I might get stuck in a build position that might take me years to move out of. And those are the years I need to be going higher very fast to make my unique situation well worth it. He told me I need to look around for better options- stay contract, find a different group, find something I can really excel at. I've really excelled at my build job in the past year. Far beyond what I could have hoped for. And I've got to keep excelling, and not find myself in a weak spot without a lot of movement. I think thats in the cards, but I've got to keep my eyes open and make my moves carefully. Man, being in this industry is very political and back-stabby, because it takes a lot to move up a lot. Good times!

So enough about work!! hmm. So Daniel, George and I started working on our percussion special for the service on the 18th, "The Giver." It should be quite fun. We've got some awesome ideas, and maybe we'll throw in some comedy. :)

So thats all the surface stuff with Ricky over the last two days. God, I pray for your gifts of wisdom and understanding, and I pray for the passion you've given me, because it runs deeper than blood and stronger than rapids, and I give you the glory in my life. I ask for your peace in my life right now. I ask for trials to be met with humble success, and I ask for your love in everything I do. Oh, and, I ask for patience. Because only in your timing will your works be complete. Amen.

Monday, December 05, 2005

Go. in. g. i. n. sane.
There is the potential and possibility for every believer to come to a place in your spiritual journey where God, Christ, and his Bible becomes more real to you than your five senses.

When you get there, the things of this world will grow strangely dim.


Hebrews 12:1&2

1Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.
2Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.



When you start to love God, the world grows dim.

Faith is not ritualistic rules and laws.
Faith is not theory of a gospel. It is more than church attendance, it is more than memorizing scripture.
Faith is more than a season.
Faith is not a goal.

I don't want to be presented with the truth all of my life and never accept it in my heart. In my mind. In my will. In my emotions.

Revelations 3:16
So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth.


Faith is a commitment of the HEART (emotions, will, mind) to be interested in and controlled by the truth Christ revealed.

Revelations 3:20
I stand at the door of your heart & knock. If you will open the door I will come into you and you in me and I will dine with you.