Sunday, October 23, 2005


I have heard from lots of people around me about how "hard" I am on them. I even see it. I am hard on people. I look around me and most of the closest people I am around, I deal with "harsh"ly sometimes.

People need to live up to what they say they will do. I've been witness to dozens of people talking about what great things they will do, what great reform they will practice in their lives. From going to church consistantly, to doing the "right thing" when they are dating, or acting better towards people.

When it comes down to it, I am hard on people because they are not accountable towards their actions. You know, humans are GREAT manipulators. Not even just others- they are great manipulators of themselves. It's pretty natural for someone to convince themselves they made the right decision- even if, in the bottom of their heart, they know they didn't. Or to lie about something they did, or will do, so they don't feel guilty about the truth. Or to play a blame game, and pass the fault on to someone else- so they don't feel bad.


You need to start being honest with yourself, and start being honest with the people that care about you. Stop lying. Stop convincing yourself you did the right thing. Don't blame it on the other person in the relationship. START BEING THE PERSON YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO BE.

If I am hard on you, it is because you need some accountability in an area of your life. Usually for the area that you are faulting in.

Am I hard on you when you make a mistake, and when you confess it and seek the truth?

You already know the answer to that question, if you are reading this blog. And you already know, that I am only hard on you when you lie to yourself or when you are not accountable.

Start feeling bad about your wrong decisions. Start trying to fix that, and start telling the truth about it. You need someone to call you on your crap, and it looks like I may be the only person doing that.

If you are someone who claims accountability, then I have no quarrel with you. Until then, stop lying to me.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

If you are not working to be the best person you can be,

whats the point?

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Oh my.

Let me share something with you (whoever you are, haha).

The last two weeks or so have been very powerful for me and my relationship with God. Last monday, after the Refuel conference, I was driving to work and felt the spirit of prayer on my heart. I decided to entertain the idea and started praying. To me, praying is not getting on your knees and reciting a scripture, it is a two way communication with God. Its a conversation. Meaning, he communicates back to YOU.
So, that week of refuel, I had volunteered and done more at the church than I had slept. I ran sound, played, practiced, set up, everything. About 7 days straight, with my good friend Daniel.
In my prayer that morning, I got a strong sense of explaining how much I love God. Well, thats not something easily explained. About half way through a thought, I was interrupted with another thought, and it said: "I know you love me- your actions show your heart. Now, I want to love you. Tell me, what do you want."

I was blown AWAY. What do I want? Me? Why? Well, I already have the car, the job, the friends. What could I possibly want? My first rational thought was a wife, but I can't ask for that- God has to give that to me in his own time. :) After a few more seconds, I look back at the road, to see all of this traffic, as usual, every morning... and I said, "God, make my commute times faster." And then I laughed. I posed the question, how would God make my commute times faster? And I laughed some more: It would take an act of God to shorten my commute. :)

Well, yesterday morning, I was in my regular commute... you know, autopilot, when you are in mass traffic for hours. I look over, and I see my office mate sitting in the traffic next to me. Haha, we laugh at eachother.

Well, long story short(end), this morning we meet at the fry's parking lot and carpool up the rest of the way, saving us about an hour of drive time.

I get to work at 8:40 instead of 9:40 this morning, and I do my usual starting up routine... and I'm thinking, wow, that really shortened my commute time. Then, DING, I remembered my prayer. And I started laughing. It almost brought me to tears, how God answered my prayer in such a direct fashion, without a doubt.

Wow! Thats pretty darn cool.

Monday, October 03, 2005

This is kind of a followup on the last blog.

We had the ReFuel conference the few days after I wrote that blog, and it really drove home exactly what I was looking for. There was some extremely annointed people preaching, and I felt really honored to be able to listen to their ideas of how we need to seek after God in our lives. Each one of the three guest speakers had something amazing to say, in their own way- but it all built towards the same end.

So in my last blog, I mentioned how to get so close to God that he dines with you- this is a scriptural text, and it talks about how God will dine with you as friends do when you draw near to him.

Well, in my seeking, I've found more scripture (I don't have my bible here with me right now, so I can't qoute exactly) that talks about being God's children. I think thats a strong topic- We are God's children. In order to understand that fully, I've got to look at how a father-child relationship works. Fathers look out for their children, and love their children with a fierce passion. All you want when you are a father is for your children to love you, and to be protected. Well, God wants us to love him fiercely. He wants us. He pursues us. He also has to lead and guide us, because we are mere children on this earth. We are not old enough, even the old people, to know how to make Godly decisions, so we need to look to our Dad, and ask. When we do something wrong, he doesnt hate us or shun us- he longs to hold us and pick us up and take care of us, but often it is US who run from HIM.

Imagine a 2 year old kid that did something wrong. You hug him and love him, and explain to him why that was wrong and what to do. Mistakes don't change the relationship. Actively pursuing something else will, though. I mean, when you were 2 years old, did you ever have a nightmare and come to your dad or mom and ask to sleep in their bed? Thats what a child does with a parent. Thats the relationship we need to pursue with Christ.

He wants us to pursue him so much. Imagine loving someone beyond comprehension and seeing them make mistakes and turn away time and time again, all while ignoring you, while you wait for them. I don't doubt that he cries over us, watches us in our sleep, gets excited when we discover something or create something. He LOVES us- a REAL love! A love that cannot be found on Earth. He even gives us things we want, he wants us to be happy, he wants us to have fun- just like if you had a son or daughter. When they are laughing and having fun, it brings joy to your heart.

He just wants to have a Father-Child relationship with you. He wants to be your source, your father, your friend, your love. If only we would pursue him like a Father we have never had on Earth. If only we knew how much we really need that. If only we knew nothing else could take the place of Him. Not drugs, games, people, sex, drinks, anything. God made us so only one thing will truly satisfy our hearts. He did that on purpose, so we would need him.

I've been listening to the online recordings of Pastor Judah Smith's preaching, and I'll tell you now, its quite amazing stuff. He challenges you to live a lifestyle to be proud of, to be a person you'd want to be, and he tells you how to do it while still being human. He tells you how to have fun while being a christian, how to be effective, faithful, loving, caring, patient. Everything. I would recommend checking it out and listening to a few- it almost doesnt matter which one, every topic he speaks on is very important in the lives of people today.

On a less serious note, I curbed one of my rims today :( I'm kind of dissapointed with myself. I've never curbed a rim before. I was pretty tired, and I was about a quarter inch off on a judgement call with this curb, while trying to stay out of the way of people crossing the street. :/ oh well. We'll see how I can fix it.