Thursday, May 26, 2005

What a wonderful day out!

This is the kind of day where its fun just to do drive. Roll down all the windows, and just cruise. The kind of day where, the parking lot at work is a little, well, empty. :) People go out for lunch and just, dont come back.

ah, this summer will be good. I can feel it.

Monday, May 23, 2005

ugh... us humans can be so predictable sometimes. Its almost disgusting. We trick ourselves into thinking what we do is good and right, even though our conscience is kicking and screaming. We get good at ignoring it. Tricking yourself into believing that one drink won't hurt, or maybe two. Or, tricking yourself that no, you did that for good intentions, so its ok.
Its just so common for us to do things that make us feel like decent people... haha!

I've been struggling with a bit of depression lately, and I've been looking at the usual ways I end up getting out- usually I do something I feel is selfless, like work at church for a bit, or some other volunteer position/piece of work, but I realize its got the wrong intentions. I mean, building computers for poor people is great, but if the only reason I am doing it is to convince myself I am helping others, then its no good. I need to concentrate on the reality of it- making these peoples lives better is the ultimate goal, not being a good christian. If you always concentrate on being a good christian, you don't get the real meaning of it. You do things because thats what christians do, instead of doing things for the real meaning that God should give you. I think the vast majority of christians do that, unfortunately. But hey, it makes them feel good and they will probably go to heaven. Just not change anyones life...
Its not about what you do here on this planet. Its really not. The only thing that matters is you and God, and eternity with him. If you realize that, then your actions will reflect it, and you will be a servant of God.

There is a lot of wisdom out there. A lot of people choose to ignore it, and go about their own thing, because it feels good for now. But people need to open their eyes and realize it isnt about now. Its about forever.

I'll get off my pulpit now, since I know some of you despise me for trying to share what I feel is truth.

Thursday, May 19, 2005

I come back to work, and all sorts of stuff needs to be done. Rebuild this, do that, train him, etc. I feel like I am being stretched in different directions- like I am being forced to grow into being responsible for all of these things at once. Its uncomfortable. No one really likes getting out of their comfort zone and doing more than they haveto if they aren't really motivated, and thats how I kind of feel, so its kind of a painful sort of stretching. But I feel somewhat challenged to try and get it all done, which is good. It makes me feel good because I'm getting important things done, even if it is uncomfortable. There's just... quite a lot that I haveto grow into and step up and perform. I suppose its either step up or step out, in the end. I think that working here will constantly constantly challenge me in new ways like this... I appreciate that, because it forces me to fight complacency and comfort. It always requires me to try and learn more and understand more.

"What kind of man is a man who does not try to better his surroundings?" kind of cool qoute. If I'm not challenged to do better, then I'm just underachieving.

In the past, its just been a clear straight shot to what I need to do. Like a list, and you do something and check a box off the list. But now, its kind of obscure things that require a lot of work to figure out what you even need to do. For example, I need to start training myself for some other stuff that I don't normally work with. There is no clear path to what to read, what to do, etc. You haveto be assertive and work really hard to figure out things, so you are still valuable to the company and you don't get let go.

So, I saw Star Wars last night. I thought it was a great movie. The acting was quite a lot better. Don't get me wrong, there were still a couple of awkward moments, but it is not even comparable to the dumbfounded acting in the previous movies. Ewan McGregor really steps up, Hayden Christensen and Natalie Portman really step into their roles as well. I'd venture to say they were really trying and acting this time around. They aren't award winners yet, but they might be later on in their movie careers. More likely natalie than hayden, though. Yeah, great movie. Parts of it were moving to me. And not just because I'm a Star Wars fan, it more spoke to my sense of humanity. I also saw a lot of people I knew at the theater waiting in line. It was kind of cool to chat with old friends, four or five from high school, and a somewhat long time friend DJ XTC. It was fun talking about the new console wars, xbox 360 vs ps3.

What else... oh, I'm kind of excited to play this sunday at church. We are doing our yearly heart after God conference this week, and we are having kind of an "all-star" band for sunday morning, featuring most of the younger players. It should be fun, we are doing a pretty cool set of songs and I'm excited for some lively church.(boring church = no fun)

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Well, I'm back.

Not bad, as far as vacations go- daytona is a beautiful place. Beautiful silky white sand, deep blue water as far as the eye can see, pigeons fighting over half-eaten fries, etc.

I did a lot of thinking on this vacation. I've come to a few conclusions about things.

When I was down there, the night life of Daytona really tempted me. In the way that any kind of popular dancing-drinking-hanging out club establishments lure anyone. That really started me thinking a lot- what did that kind of partying offer? Well, it didnt take long to figure out it didnt really offer anything I wanted. Easy sex, alcohol, popularity with a clique, whatever. Even the kind of people you meet are usually, 95% of the time, the kind of people you wouldn't hang out with unless it was past midnight and there were other motives besides meeting friends. Well, it still lures, but its something I can safely ignore, because its got nothing for me. The people that entertain themselves with that are not the kind of people I really want to associate with, because in the end it would just bring me down and probably get me stuck in a lifestyle that would make me hate myself.

With that in mind, I also started thinking about, since I figured out what I DON'T want to do, what do I?
Where do you go to meet decent people that have more common interests, and are wearing more clothing, and have real values? Surely not at hangout spots, surely not at clubs... Well, I guess the only places I know where these people exist are work and church. Work, is kind of hard to make friends out of, because, well, you are always working. Go figure. But church, is a place where you can socialize with people that should have the same kinds of motives and goals as you. I say should, because its not like everyone is the same kind of christian as you... some people believe in different ways of living the life of a christian. But its really the only place I've got that has real people with meaning, that arent after worldly pursuits of things that just leave you soul-less in the end.

Its kind of unfortunate, that I don't see any of my current friends really pointed in the same direction I want to go. I guess we are at different places in life, and everyone has to go at their own pace. There is not much I can do about that, though, and its not up to me. All I can do is encourage, I suppose.

I want to have purpose. I want to find meaning in things around me. I dont want to seek shallow relationships and people that have their own goals that are somewhere, else.

I'm gonna skip all of that shallow stuff. I see what it yields, and none of it is worth the time or the heart ache.

On a less serious note, my insurance rate went up because of my car accident. I haveto pay more money because someone hit me. How lame is that!! and, a LOT more money. stinkin'.

At least I have the greatest cat in the world. Not much else, right now.

Saturday, May 07, 2005


I'm going on vacation.

I leave you with this:

Sunday, May 01, 2005

I thought this morning's sermon on Love was very good... Love is such a huge part of my life, I thought I'd share so we can all keep this in mind during our day. I feel love is putting someone else above yourself, their well being and life above yours.

Myths about love:
Love is a feeling.
Love is uncontrollable.
You can fall out of love. (love is a choice, not a feeling like hot or cold)

What God says love is:
Love is a choice. (Put "on" love, like a robe)
Love is an action.

Accept others unconditionally.
Commit yourself personally. (love is nothing without action, or commitment)
Encourage others continuously. 1 Thess. 5:11 Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
Use the gifts God gave you to serve people cheerfully.
Forgive others freely. Romans 12:18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.
Share Christ. (the most loving thing you can do is share eternal salvation)
Romans 12:10
Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.

I want to love God as best I can. I want to seek a new level of relationship with him. I commit myself to him.