Tuesday, September 14, 2004

I know a lot of people can really connect with this song, and a lot of people qoute it as their favorite, etc. And who am I to say I connect with it more than someone else, because I'm just me, and I dont know other people's hearts.
But the song, My Immortal, by Evanescence drops me to my core sometimes.
I feel it so strongly in the soul I feel like ripping the skin off my body and revealing who I truly am, someone no one really knows.
My life is just a collection of memories, and it all means nothing if I have not lived life in the best way I can.
You know, I've experienced so much pain over the last few years, that I don't even cry anymore. its like I can't. I even TRIED to cry, and the only way I can do it is by bodily injury, hah. But I like the reasoning behind it. The more main I experience, the less someone else experiences. I know thats a lie to some extent, where the pain I recieve is created just for me to haunt me and torment me, and for me to live with. Well, yes, it is something that affects me on a daily basis and keeps me from sleeping nights such as this.
The deepest desire of my heart, above all else, I believe, is to be a life giver. I don't mean to my friends or family, obviously not because it doesnt show that way, but to people that tear me up inside with their own pain. I find myself often looking into the eyes of a single mom strolling her kid to the apartment complex, and things of that sort.
I know I'm not good at a lot of things, but if you ever open up to me, you will find my true heart, and my true purpose for living. I want to be the person that God wants me to be, and I swear to you I am the most loyal and honorable confidant you will ever find.

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