Tuesday, July 27, 2004

eh, sometimes  I wonder why I blog.  I guess thats why I don't a lot of the time.  Who cares, who reads this anyways.  And the people that read it already know what I would write.
Sometimes I feel especially expressive or poetic- problem with that, is- I really am not very good at expressing myself.  And who cares anyway?  It's just to make myself feel better, right?

So much stuff to be done lately.  College coming up, and all...  working on a next MCSA test, filling out paperwork and applications, signing up for classes, working on my e-bay biz. blah blah blah.  Stop reading my blog, you don't really care anyway!  (Sides you hun.)

 
Let the touch of mist embrace you, as you fade into the night...

Ricky

Monday, July 26, 2004

Linkin Park
My December

This is my december
This is my time of the year
This is my december
This is all so clearThis is my december
This is my snow covered home
This is my december
This is me alone
And i
Just wish that I didnt feel
Like there was something I missed
And i
Take back all the things I said
To make you feel like that
And i
Just wish that I didnt feel
Like there was something I missed
And i
Take back all the things I said to you
And I give it all away
Just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone to come home to
This is my december
These are my snow covered dreams
This is me pretending
This is all I need
And i
Just wish that I didnt feel
Like there was something I missed
And i
Take back all the things I said
To make you feel like that
And i
Just wish that I didnt feel
Like there was something I missed
And i
Take back all the things I said to you
And I give it all awayJust to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone to come home to
This is my december
This is my time of the year
This is my december
This is all so clear
And I give it all away
Just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone to come home to

Good song.  Wonderful lyrics.

Friday, July 23, 2004

Off to Oregon I go.
I wonder if Alex is mad at me or something.
Not like I planned against him.  And I hope its not a big deal, we are sposed to be friends, right?
hum.
Hope Mike is having fun with Chris... wish I was there, too.

It is a beautiful day.  May God shine down upon us with his mercy and love, despite the things we do against him.

 

Tuesday, July 20, 2004

Ricky is depressed.
So much changing and different.
I like to hide in pure emotion, and wallow in pain.
I'm just so used to it, it almost comforts me to go back to it.
Emotional music, poetic things... love.
feels like thats all I have to hold on to these days.
not to mention other issues in life.
 
sounds like I need a rescue or something.

Sunday, July 18, 2004

School is over...
a new life has begun.
One of "Make your own decisions"
and "responsibility"
 
Responsibility has a whole new meaning.
I've got a lot of stuff to do!
I've got to sell like, five things on E-bay, I've got to do my taxes for my business, I haveto figure out my credit issues with BCC, get my classes for BCC, etc.
blah blah blah.
:/

Tuesday, July 13, 2004

one of my students FAILED!!! By ONE QUESTION!!!
I feel bad about that. If I would have drilled him just a tiny bit more, he would have passed.
Sucks.
:/
I'm really bored.
kinda tired, like always.
Agh, I have ten different bug bites on my arms.
I ITCH!!!!

Sunday, July 11, 2004

blog blog blog.
off to grandmother's house, where family wants to try paintball...
ugh. this will be interesting, to say the least...

Can life suck and be good at the same time?
Its a wierd feeling in the pit of my stomach.
not stomach ache feeling, but a feeling feeling.

:/

Saturday, July 10, 2004

did a playtest today, for 7 hours. It was good, the game was good, but I wont mention it on a webpage because of the NDA I signed about it.
Got two gratuity items, spose I'll sell em on e-bay and get some cash.
I'm kinda tired.

I hate drama, don't you?
besides on TV, I spose.

I suppose I should just stop caring about people and their stupid little ideas and how they try to hurt me.

Friday, July 09, 2004

0 comments
0 comments.
oh well.


What a very interesting past 48 hours!
Thats all I have to say about that! Good night!

Monday, July 05, 2004

I miss Amy SOOO much. She comes home today...
fourth of july wasnt too bad, besides the entire melancholy backround feeling to it all.
I can't stop worrying about her, either. Cut her finger, she did...
I wonder if I feel sick because of my feelings, or if I'm just feeling sick.
read on if you want to hear about mushy stuff.

I just want to hug her and kiss her and be with her. I've recreated a playlist I've had tucked away in my music library for some time, and the sole purpose is just to commune feelings with myself about someone I can't live without. It comforts me, that others feel this way too. I almost feel like curling into a big ball until she comes back. I think people call it lovesickness.


little ol' Ricky

Saturday, July 03, 2004

post post post post post.

This bear and I are inseperable. Almost as if we are making our own relationship.
What a crazy day! I've had nothing to do ALL day. So I sit here and think, and thoughts come and go as the tide.

Many think of feelings as hard to explain, but sometimes I think its easy to convey the meaning of them. While it might be hard to explain details, like its effects, certain aspects like its origin and reasons can be defined fairly easy.

You know, all of the songs I listen to come to mind. Each has its own series, or single, feeling its trying to portray- and it does its job.
Songs like Savage Garden's Truly Madly Deeply- I think anyone that listens to that can grasp some sort of idea of what the entire singer sings of.

I'm always so worried about doing the right thing, and making people happy, and doing whats good. Its unnerving really, when I get selfish thoughts, and I fight myself about it.
Conflict comes easy in my own mind, I suppose.

I'm going to write more, but not publish it, because I'd like to not have certain thoughts available to everyone. :)
I would blog every day if it made all of my wishes come true.

I'd probably do much more than that.

I feel like a stupid little kid holding on to foolish things. I'm walking around my house clutching a bear.
My actions betray my feelings... that rarely happens with me.
I can't hide it.
I sit here home alone on a saturday, nothing to do, nowhere to go.
Thoughts fill my mind, and confusion ripples through the room like a riptide and a whirlpool, at the same time, almost contradicting eachother.

At least I have my music.

Missing you with all that I am,


Lonely Ricky

Friday, July 02, 2004

Maybe if I blog all of my wishes will come true.




Or not.
:( had to try.
I feel like a child again, snuggling with a teddy bear.
I clutch it like I am a child. :/
Off to work...
I miss Amy sooooo much.
its only been a day and a half...
I'm going insane!