Friday, April 30, 2004

Hum. Paintballin' tomorrow with some fam. Good stuff.
listening to some Infected Mushroom... one song in perticular, "Converting Vegetarians" comes through extremely well on my sound system in mah car.
Ordered a few of their CDs I haven't heard before, just because they are so good. It is classical trance, if that makes sense. It takes the ideas of music, and trance, and applies some of the most rudimentary rules, and comes out with the most original, amazing works of art I have heard. They synth up their own sounds, and add things like acoustic guitar or piano, and... it is simply amazing.
I wonder at the number of visits this site is coming up with...
Who looks at my blog?!
Well, toodles. I'm going to spend time with people I care about.

Wednesday, April 28, 2004

I never doubted that we would have made it.
We could have.
It is done.
Our passion will live on in our hearts, but we now see the conclusion, and fulfillment.
It was never about the reasons we gave.
It was all orchestrated...
no matter how heartfelt and meaningful, which was genuine
it was orchestrated.
And God used me like I have never been used before.
All along, these precarious four years, I never let go. Until now.
And every day I would ask God, am I wrong? Are my decisions bad?
And day after day I would get loving signs from God. Not answers, just signs that he loves me.
And so now she knows the true meaning of you, God.
Now her heart is in your hands, O Lord.
I pray that she have a safe journey through life, and may she find you as she looks.
For now, I only pray for your will, because only you know what is best in my life.
Sobs wrack my body as I realize myself.
Who am I?
God's Servant.
How strange it is to be judged by all around me.
Now I will go on living my life, the way God wants me to.
Rebuild my heart, from the ground up. Give me new hopes, new dreams.
Release the chains around my heart, so that I may truly love, as God has taught me to.
Some things are not meant to be said publicly about two people. I will keep those locked away.
And now, I learn to live life.
Guide me.

Game on!

Monday, April 26, 2004

"The Writer's Prayer"
Ricky Ochs

Lord Almighty,

Bless the words I write with you supernatural wisdom. May my poor wanderings bless others, so they may serve you, like you plead. Let me honor you with my humble ideas. Cast an unbeknownst point of view over things left unsaid in this notebook. I love you Lord. Guide my hand.
"Things Left Unsaid" vol. 2

What people feel are definitions of people. (What REALLY defines people)

I will sort and categorize the definition of a person here.

First and foremost, you see somebody's image when you define them(in your mind). Sally has short brown hair and a pointy nose with green eyes.
Impressions- this one is big. Do they annoy you? Does something about them annoy you? Are they fun? Sexy? Cold? Pick an adjective. Stinky?

Skills, or interests, comes next. Music, sports, literature, cooking, etc. It is easy for people to identify with common interests, building a friendship is easier that way.

The next one varies quite a bit depending on the individual doing the assessment. Quite the variable. What you value as a person comes right on the heels of interests. If Sally is a pagan and likes sacrificing things, it could be enough to end the relationship right there. What do you value? Religion, morals, maybe a good pair of pants? Trust? A rating system could be made for compatibility, but it is overvalued, because people can conform and change their values (sacrifice) if they truly commit, and love.

Actions kind of go hand in hand with values, but some actions are not based on the principals of value. Maybe Sally drives a Civic. Well what if some people think Civics are horrible? Does that lower their opinion of Sally? What if some people believe gas powered cars are anti-environmental, and they believe Sally is morally wrong to drive a Civic? Sally may have good intentions, but people see her as wrong, or stupid. Another example is, I wear purple polkadot boxers. People will have their own interpretations, weird, crazy, put any adjective here. Morally wrong? Who knows, maybe.

Under the impressions category, with less weight, we have attitude. Attitude can turn you off very easily. Sterile, lively, excited, silly, etc. Only extreme cases of attitude are included in a person's definition.

Lastly, we have choices. Almost like actions, but more definitive. Red or blue? Stay or go? There can be a lot of pressure, with judgement so handy in others. To eat or not, sleep or stay awake, self control, or indulgence?

With love,
Ricky Ochs
I just thought maybe people might like to comment on my stuff I put here.
Contact me at:
"The hardest part of being human is making sacrifices."
Everything you do requires sacrifice of you.
Humble yourself and bring your sacrifices on a silver platter, because they do not go unnoticed.
Everything that matters in life has to do with sacrifices.
Love is all about sacrifices...
Trust is all about sacrifices.
Skill is all about sacrifices.
You always hear about the great people in the world explaining what they had to do to get where they are.
Pride and sacrifice cannot coincide.
Some people just can't find the will or the way to sacrifice for themselves or others.
To better yourself is one of the most noble pursuits
but it has nothing to do with ego
The moment you stop pursuing, the ego comes back.
Only the true at heart remain persistant through it all..
I wonder if I will ever be a good enough person.
I learn to hate myself for things I've done.
Sometimes I wonder if I am wrong in my decisions, but I don't regret them.
if I am wrong, then so be it... and I apologize to all of those I hurt.
Pain is not something I wish upon anybody.
Why am I rambling?

I fear not even I know.

Thursday, April 22, 2004

I have been finding myself writing.
here is what I am writing, because God told me to share it.

"Things Left Unsaid"
vol. 1

What motivates people?

Questions motivate people. Example, is God real? do you like Joe? Are you crazy?

Examples motivate people. Ghandi, Jesus Christ, Ben stiller.

Emotions motivate people. Hurt, detestment, love.

Socializing motivates people. It can define goals and intentions. Or maybe not... Politics? Motivating. It even Provides teamwork.

Gain motivates people. Sex, status, power.

Pressure motivates people. Peer pressure, social pressure, moral pressure, etc.

Interests motivate people. The selfish in nature urge to do something or get somewhere. American society defines selfish interests as "norms." Everyone does it, etc. Example: Don't call the black man a nigger because you don't want a social situation, or personal judgement. Not because, or less because, of the respect you feel toward a black person. No matter what people say, intentions are never fully known.

You decide your character. Your motives, as stated above. What guides you? What are your motives? Does anyone truly ask that question? I don't. Do you have guidelines? Does anyone actually fully follow their guidelines? Again, you decide. Maybe others tell you what is right and wrong. Maybe nobody does. Where are you then? Jail? A bar, night after night?
Who are you?

Please truly ask these questions of yourself. Only you can.

:: how jedi are you? ::
Well I've written like 6 pages in the last 12 hours.
I plan on posting them sometime, but thats a lot of typing!
didn't go to school this morning...
was up til what, 3 or 4 am writing.
good stuff.
Had some crazy dreams, too.
really really crazy dreams.
yeah, maybe I'll write some of it up tonight.
its very very crazy stuff.
it might offend people. It might move people. We shall see!

Tuesday, April 20, 2004

Life is but a dream...
Make what you can of it.
Dice roll, cards turn.
Make what you can of it.
People lie, people die.
Make what you can of it.
Opression exists, freedom is controlled.
Make what you can of it.
Blue skies, light breezes.
Make what you can of it.
Make what you can of it.

Sunday, April 18, 2004

The emotional state of the human being is hard to judge.
Emotions that cry out, emotions that hide. Factors that affect one's thought process and actions.
The words to describe are never enough to fully share.

A place of peace, a place of wonderment, is what we all desire.
A place where we can all go,
to get away from it all.
Where does one find such a place?
In your comfy chair at home?
One can never say.
What does your heart value?
Hard work? Morality? Compassion?
Why do people go to bed night after night,
in the same old bed?
Each must seek, or be forgotten.
Find your place, and declare to the world!
I am here!
I am here!
I am here!

Saturday, April 17, 2004

some verses I found that are very good to think about.

How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? Psalm 13:1

Get wisdom, get understanding; do not forget my words or swerve from them. Proverbs 4:5

They will forget their shame and all the unfaithfulness they showed toward me when they lived in safety in their land with no one to make them afraid. Ezekiel 39:26

And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased. Hebrews 13:16

But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. 2 Peter 3:8

Friday, April 16, 2004

Well, to help stanch the flow off suckyness yesterday at work, I purchased two copies of Legend of Zelda: A link to the past four swords, for game boy advance, as well as a link cable. That way I could look forward to playing some good ol fashioned multiplayer zelda with Amy tonight! YAY!
We had a pretty good conversation last night. Then Ben and I talked, and hes all trying to repair my relationship with mike, that I really dont want repaired...
Then mike sends me an e-mail, that, in essence, says "I screwed up."
Glad he realizes that, but I think its going to take a lot more than that to fix it.
eh, I don't want to be his friend anymore. Thats about it.
he'd haveto do a lot to fix what happened...
Anyways. I'm excited about tonight!

okay thats really disturbing. So I'm in my CNS room here at OSC, and we are working on the automotive tech teacher's computer that broke. The story is, he went out of town for a week and he came back and his computer was broken... and he thinks his son was on it exclusively.
Well, the computer is completely trashed, and we had to open the hard drive up with a different operating system.. and we found about, oh, 63 megs of porn...
I think we need to let the auto teacher know about his son...
I miss Amy...

Thursday, April 15, 2004

So I went paintballing last night.
Pretty fun, if even there were only 4 people total there, including me and my dad and phil.
Just got a call from work, they need me to work today... Steve got in a car accident and "can't work" or something.
For a little bit, anyways. Shouldn't haveto cover more than one shift for him.
Makes me sad... I had planned to hang out with Amy and write a bit of my crazy dream down on paper, and she could help me, cuz shes better at descriptive words and formatting then me.
But noooo... :(
maybe we can do it tomorrow night, I guess...
I kinda miss her. Hope she is doing okay, seems to me like shes a little down and out about school. Worries me a bit.
Added a hit counter to mah blog.
off to the right, under the links.
I am just curious to see how many people actually visit the page...
that is all.
I really wanted to hang out tonight, too....
Sux for me!

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

Well, some people tell me I dont blog enough!
Hmm, well, what should I blog about.
My best friend is no longer so. Something about he can't handle me being with his ex-friend, and how I'm really just trying to steal all of his friends.
then he threatened me and I told him may god bless the rest of his life. Without me.

So, thats the update I suppose.
Had a band concert tonight... was kind of interesting.
only one more in the rest of my high school life.
kinda sad.
I was really worried today about Amy, she stumbled into my arms during passing period with a sheen of sweat covering her face, telling me she didnt feel so good... I felt so horrible, I wanted to do something to help her. Good ol' coach Merrill at his best.
The other day I put a rose on her car, half because I wanted to let her know how wonderful she is, half because I really enjoyed easter with her. I came and got her from her house during a family get together, and after convincing got her to go away with me, so we could walk the beach and watch the sunset.
And watch a crow get eaten by all its buds and almost die.
I only know of one person that reads this at all, so,
You are wonderful.
Tomorrow I go paintballing for the first time in a looong time!
oh, it didnt work out, going paintballing the other day... they were closed... it REALLY sucked.
but yeah I'm going tomorrow night. With Dad.
Should be fun.
maybe put a cap in some minor's dome.
maybe not. hehe.
spose I'll come back with more welts than I'll give.
Hope your day is going well. ;)

Friday, April 09, 2004

I think I wanna think of all the friends I've had over the years.
I'll start with most recent, I suppose.
I think I'll only include closer friends, not daily friends at school, etc.
So far, we have
Alex Murdoch - Fellow LANner and learner
Mike Britten - "best friend" and life sharer.
Amy Koester - So far, looking good.
Ashlee (Not a huge friend, but shes a cool person and Alex permitting it would be nice to be her friend.)
Phil Hebrank - fellow LANner and learner
Kyle Olson (breifly, 8 mo.s) complete butthead, but fun to play games with.
Clay Byers - very cool friend, solid dependable, but we just took different paths in life.
Leo Miller - best gamer I've ever known.
Chris Reid - Crazy supersoaker wing commander kinda guy. half boss, half friend.
Jeff Hebrank - Crazy weirdo. We talked about the deeper matters in life once in a while. Nice guy, if a little strange.
Jeff Cole - Mentor, friend, fellow entrepeneur.
Bob Wan - Crazy Wan! Half boss, half friend. He taught me some of why the world is stupid.
Ben Wright - Good friend. Half the time he doesnt understand himself, let alone the stuff around him, but he yearns to learn.
Traci Kamfonik - Closest friend I've ever had. Ever.
Chris Weiser - cousin, and friend. Not the closest friend, he never really fully trusted me, but he knew me to be honest.
Ivar Harris - Crazy Ivah! Great LANner, wonderful father and husband. Very smart chap.
Jaret Clifton - Crazy... in general. Always lost in himself, but he isnt a bad guy. an OK LANner.
Justin Hebert - Crazy guy... full of himself, loves God with a passion, great prayer buddy. 2nd Biggest letdown in my life.
Eric Willis - Great prayer partner, sometime mentor, when he acted the way he was supposed to.
Robert Duepree- Wonderful man of God, and amazing person in general. Microsoft employee- was my friend despite our huge age difference. Sharon Duepree - I <3 you.
Lydia - HAHAHA, first person to show me how shallow high school girls really can be.
Kelsie - First time I ever admitted to liking a girl. Friends for a few weeks.
Andrew (1st-4th grade) - My fellow BRAIN-STEALER! great fun, and a great friend that would never let me down. Bye, Andrew...
Lacie (1st grade & Kindergarden) Good ol' Lacie. First crush.
The Whites- Chelsea, Stephanie, Bryan, and Paul white. Friends for seven years, every summer EVERY day.
Stephanie Noss- Wonderful friend and cousin.
Mike (childhood mike... a million times different person.) - Bubba! Cars! Guys! I miss those days so much, almost makes me cry...

and I've missed a million more, I suppose.

updated 08-09-04

Which 1990's Subculture Do You Belong To?

[Another Quiz by Kris

how great is that...
so true, I suppose.
Although I'd say I'm cultured to a degree...
So life sucks lately. Apparently Alex totalled his car.
It's okay he still hates me lately though.
I feel sorry for him...
Wonder if Mike still hates me, too.
my paintball gun is tight.

I've got a new barrel coming end of next week..
I'm gonna go paintballing easter sunday. Call me mean, but its the only day off on a weekend in a long while, so I'm taking it.
I wonder if life will get any worse before it starts getting better.
We shall see!