Tuesday, December 28, 2004

I'm almost wary of talking about my car buying situation, because of the serious heat I get from family members that are not-so-well-off...
Suffice to say, I'm gonna wait a few more months before doing anything with that.


Not a lot of people are at work this week... I've got work to get done, but I can't do it, because people I work with arent there.
:/
I'll start doing it by myself tomorrow if I don't get a response or some help.

I don't feel well.
I'm gonna go lay down...

Thursday, December 16, 2004

I'm feeling really shaky right now...
pray for me, if you pray.
My boss just sent out an e-mail to everyone on the project, saying that I will be responsible for all builds from now on...
meaning I am responsible that this program works.
a many multi-million dollar program.
all on my shoulders.
and I'm the first person to call if it breaks (even on christmas day.)

its kind of freaking me out- They are giving me the responsibility, and letting me run with the big dogs. 30 year old guys with 10 years of experience in the industry are just now getting into the position I hit within 6 weeks.
its scary... really scary...
I need to go walk for a bit.

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

So whats up people?
My entire house is different now...
my computer setup is in my basement, and its set up pretty well...
and my room has all new carpet, and therefore has been rearranged. And, my bathroom is completely different now.
good stuff.
Work is going well...
its nice, that I wake up at a leisure 7:30 and head into work before 9ish... then do what I want at work, as long as I get my work done solidly.
Since no one but Amy reads this,
Hi Amy, love you.
Yeah... can't wait to buy a new car.
Saw a 325XI on the road the other day... looked good... I wonder what price range I can get an used one of those in.
still leaning towards the more horsepower of a WRX though.
so... I finished all my christmas shopping...
hit level 20 in World of Warcraft a few days ago. Haven't been playing it very much. Life is taking up pretty much all of my free time (go figure).
DJ Tiesto is live friday night in downtown seattle... hes probably one of the best DJs in the world right now. Thought about going, but I don't want to go alone to one of those things. And, infected mushroom is january 15th..
My office mate keeps making calls all day long about stupid flight reservations and stuff(she doesnt have any friends, so she just chats at the people at the airline offices I think) and she never stops eating, which gets on your nerves pretty darn fast.
I wish I had something to do right now, so I could walk around with purpose and not be in my office.
I dunno how many days I will take off next week...
theres some sort of funeral thingy for my great grandmother on... wednesday? I think.. so I haveto take that off. And thursday/friday is christmas... dunno about the following week. Do normal people work that week? Should I?
hmmm.
Well enough nonsense talk for me, since no one really cares about nonsense talk.

Monday, December 13, 2004

Our country is one of the most focused countries in the world.
You don't see any other country with as much dedication, will, and effort towards themselves.
We definately take the cake.

I don't see any other country with tens of millions of people that have dead end jobs and go home to watch TV and drink beer every night.

We definately take the cake on that!
Yep, we sure do a good job of focusing on ourselves.

Friday, December 10, 2004

I think that I found something to write about: My complete lack of anything to write about.
Not much has changed with me...
I'm starting to sink in to a life of a full time job now.
along with that, there have been a few other minute changes. New 50" plasma TV w/ surround sound, new carpet in my room (so my room is completely empty besides a bed and an alarm clock), my car's bad alternator finally became enough of a nuisance that I needed to replace it, I havent bought a gift for half the people on my list, (go figure) and the usual stuff for people around christmas time.

I'm pretty impatient when it comes to wanting a new car.
I want it right now! and real bad.
I'm not even at a state where I could start looking at them to buy yet. :( If I want to maintain my half down policy, I'd be waiting into february. But I don't wanna! humph. :(

I don't even expect any christmas presents at all this year. Anything that someone could buy me is something that I would just buy myself, unless its super expensive... so it leaves everyone in a peculiar position when trying to buy for me. this has always been the case..
it makes me happy going into christmas with no expectations. Growing up with a somewhat wealthy family, its pretty hard not to expect anything specific/at all. But when those kinds of things are off your mind, you tend to enjoy christmas quite a bit more, because you focus on the reason behind it, and the friends and family.

Too bad its looking like this might be one of the worst christmases for my family(s) in a looong time.
Oh well, nothing I can do about it(without being yelled at and blamed).
Goodtimes :)
Who wants to play some Halo? :)

Friday, December 03, 2004

Wow, microsoft came out of the gate with their own blogger service/"online personal scrapbook" (as they like to call it) called "Spaces."

Check them out- they seem to beat the crap out of the competition in xanga and blogspot.

http://spaces.msn.com

http://spaces.msn.com/members/tainen/

man, that picture of me is nearing 4 years old.

Tuesday, November 30, 2004

I haven't updated in awhile. I have been so busy!
With 4 multi-million dollar games released this month, I've got no time! Haha, on top of my job.
Halo 2, World of Warcraft, Half-Life 2, and Knights of the Old Republic 2...
sooo many games.

I cannot wait to buy a new car... I just feel like getting a loan now, even though I know that is probably one of the worst mistakes I could do. Half down is reasonable, and I can wait... I just don't want to.
:(
Music wise, Infected Mushroom did a 2 hour live set that I listened to live, it was really spectacular- live techno mixing has to be one of the hardest things to do in the world. Duvdev and Erez (the Infected Mushroom guys) are two of the most talented musicians I think I've ever seen in my life.

So, whats it like working a 9-5 job, knowing you will be working a 9-5 job for the rest of your life?
Honestly,
I love it.
But I think I just got lucky with the place I work at. Not everyone has an office, let alone the perks that Microsoft has... free pop galore! I get bored with regular dr. pepper, so I've started compiling a list of different mixed drinks that I've enjoyed. Good times. With all the free caffeine, it lets me stay up uber late and still work just fine during the day. :) Don't tell me thats unhealthy, I know, but I'm 19, right? All my coworkers tell me to do it while I can- before I'm too old, and before a wife enters my life. heh. *Hears the blood-curdling "FREEEEEDDDDOOOMMMMM" from Braveheart*

So Amy gave me the link to Clay Byer's blog. I thought it kind of interesting he blogged... so I created a blog in the MRHS ring. We'll see if anyone I know comes around. I kind of miss those guys... even though they treated me pretty bad sometimes.
Oh well... I'll hire the stupid ones to mow my lawn in ten years.

The non-stupid ones: hit me up sometime... I'd love to chat with old friends.

Later.

Thursday, November 04, 2004

http://www.filerush.com/download.php?target=swep3-480.mov

Check out this totally awesome Star Wars Episode 3 teaser!!! WOW!



haha :)

Thursday, October 28, 2004

blog blog blog blog blog blog blog blog blog.


Work is hard.
very
hard.




I've been praying every day on the way to and from work, and its really started helping my daily life, and giving me a more positive outlook. I just hope I can keep up at work. I'm in the "trial period" at work, so you can say. When they test you out and see how good you are, to see if they really want you doing that job, or if they want to try and find someone else.
I pray daily that I will do the best I can, and that things will go well. It has been good so far.

Pride
resentment
selfishness

these are the things that hinder us as humans...
the antidotes:

humility: be humble, and honest.
integrity: Don't harbor ill thoughts of someone. They will sleep like a baby while you stay up all night grinding away at it.
self-sacrificing attitude: Whats our most important posession as humans? Surely not our money. Our time. Our time is all we really fully control, and if you give it to others freely, it will make the difference. One or two acts of giving or helping aren't going to change you. You haveto constantly fight selfishness, and it will get easier with time.
Actively listen to people around you, and exhibit humility integrity and a serving attitude, and your quality of life will improve dramatically.


N-e ways, sellin mah paintball gun now..
prolly gonna buy a DM4...
and saving for a new car of course...
probably gonna be a WRX...
yeah...

Sunday, October 17, 2004

I start my new job tomorrow.

I pray that I can be the very best, and that I start my new career with a good first day.


it feels like I'm on a new adventure to go throw a ring of power into a mountain or something...

Friday, October 15, 2004

so I think I've narrowed my list a bit, and changed a few things...


Prelude SH
WRX
300ZX
Supra
BMW 3 series
mustang GT
Integra R

EVO is too expensive/new,
3000GT is too large/heavy,
RX7 is too.. rotary,
Civic SI is too cheap, and slow.

Added the mustang just cuz... why not.

WRX is fast.. leaning toward it. its got 4 doors, good ground clearance, AWD, etc.
and the 3 series beamer is nice... Dad says I will probably want to buy one really bad after I drive one.
we shall see...
I start my new job on monday. I'm pretty excited.
I mean, who would not be excited about doing something they love, and getting free pop (as much as you want, all day,) while doing it?
I mean, come on.
yeah.
see?
I think people are starting to think of me quite differently now that I work at Microsoft... People talk to me different, treat me different, and act different around me. And I don't think they really mean to, but it just comes off that way. Some are bitter at my opportunities they don't see, some are filled with awe, some want to impress me so I'll get them a job later. Its kind of aggravating. Just because I work at MS doesnt mean I'm a changed person. I mean, I can still be the same old friend and so on.
I don't think they will ever get past that issue... and if they don't, well, I guess its time to move on. I can't live with people loathing me every time I see them.
So I went in and paid off my Halo 2 preorders... I don't know if I'm gonna stand in line and wait for it tuesday the 9th at 12:01am tho. maybe, maybe not. If I feel like it.
played in a poker tournament today... got my butt kicked. I imagine I will the first few times until I can learn a bit more about real life poker.
I kind of feel alone in the world now- going into places and doing things that no one around me really has before, besides a few, more professional relationships.
Maybe my friendships will inevitably stretch apart because of this.

I guess I'll see if people want to continue to be my friend or not. I'll probably see pretty soon here. And maybe see their motivations.

If you want to come up and see my new office, let me know- I'd love to take you.


Tuesday, October 12, 2004

top 10 list of cars to consider buying:
Honda Prelude SH (97-01)
Honda Civic SI (98-03)
Acura Integra R (97)
Mitsubishi Lancer Evo (2004)
Mitsubishi Eclipse (meh, bad turning radius)
BMW 3 series (320 or higher)
Toyota Supra (my fav in looks)
Nissan 300ZX
Mitsubishi 3000GT
RX7

I thought about putting the WRZ impreza on there, but I dont like the looks a lot. Maybe if it drives really well... I hear it does...
and maybe take out the eclipse.

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

My life has been a giant training time for this exact moment.
This is the moment of truth.
And I passed.
I now have a job at Microsoft.
This means hardly anything to most of you, and a lot to a few of you- but if you really know me, I have been pulling for a job like this for the past ten years of my life. Ever since I touched a computer first I was good with them, it was always just natural. I have always worked hard at my dreams in this industry, and finally it has paid off. I mean, more than work hard- I went above and beyond, obtaining my MCP certification when I was 16, building my first computer when I was 10, taking one apart when I was 8, getting into the extremely deep art of hardware, so deep that I would talk about how the microns flow across the surface of a silicon wafer. After years of teaching and working and striving, here I am.
I never thought it would happen. I've had tens of evangelists tell me that I would make it one day, but I always brushed them off as small talk encouragement. Well, they were right.

The only reason I ever got this job was because of God. If you don't believe that, okay, but you really do haveto understand the circumstances. My resume went through five or six different people before it was even truly looked at. Every single one of those people had a certain issue or problem that needed resolving before they would pass it on.
This all happened in a matter of DAYS. This is UNHEARD OF for Microsoft Vendors. It usually takes months of job searching and applying and working with your contractor headhunter before anything yeilds. With this, God's hand was on it from day one, and it all just happened. Getting into Microsoft is one of the hardest businesses to get into, and thats an actual documented fact, by Forbes magazine I think. And I did it.
Not to be egotistical, because it was God who did it- he created me. But it happened, and I feel like my life MEANS something now. I've always had depression issues with that, and I probably always will- but this is a step in the right direction. With this I will have the resources to do God's will and not be restricted by things like money.

This job is the only job discription in the software development community that I could even get. Its the only one I am qualified for. And I got it. And only one of these positions comes up every year or so. Lucky? No, God.

This is Ricky Ochs, working for Zero Chaos, a Microsoft vendor.

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

If you believe in God, pray for my job situation.
I have an interview tomorrow, on the phone with two people from Microsoft.
I pray that God turns their hearts towards me and that I am eloquent, and that everything fits into place.

Sunday, October 03, 2004

I'm sick
and I have the hiccups.
:(

Thursday, September 30, 2004

I feel like crap.
and I miss Amy.


I'm all alone hobbling around like a zombie looking for something to comfort me.

blehhhhhhhhh

I miss Amy.

Friday, September 24, 2004

Today on Ricky's Blog, we will talk about the evolution of Ricky's paintball gun, The One.

First, we have a slightly upgraded The One, with a new low pressure bolt added from Spudnuk'l. Also shown is a CP 16" .689 bore barrel. It doesnt match. We also have a Halo B with rip drive here, clamping feed neck, and a 68/4500psi tank, which were both added. Before this, I had a 68/3000 steel tank, and a clear revvy w/ x-board and impeller, old school shelled.
here

Second, we have the same exact setup- with a new barrel kit.
This improved the look of the gun a lot, by matching all the colors- as well as letting me match my bore size with my paint, making the gun a little more accurate.
here

Here is the biggest change in the Evolution of Ricky's paintball gun.
Here I added all new on/off, rail, regulator, low pressure regulator, QEV, and macroline. Pictures:
here
here
here
here
here

So theres my gun.

Tuesday, September 21, 2004

Stop telling me I'm a good person, and stop saying I am smart, and stop puting me on a pedastol I don't belong on.
I'm no one special.
I'm just little ol ricky, and if thats not enough, then fine.
I can't be more than I am, no matter how hard I tried.
You know, some people, they say "Why Me?" But I don't think its ever proper for me to say such things.
I think I deserve every bad thing that comes my way, because I am the one that puts into motion the things that make it happen. And if not, who cares, I'm used to it anyway.
I'm just condemned to have a sucky life forver.

Friday, September 17, 2004

I've had to shell out 300 dollars for books this quarter at bcc.
I had alotted 150 for it. So now I'm in the hole. :(

And for all of you who noticed my kitchen table being filled with a pieced out paintball gun, I finally got the equipment to fix it all up and put it back together.
Except the microline hose I got is sooo hard that it doesnt fit over a barb on the solenoid.
So it leaks.
agravating.
and my e-bay sales havent been going well either.
hum. I need to sell guns!
buy buy buy!

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

I know a lot of people can really connect with this song, and a lot of people qoute it as their favorite, etc. And who am I to say I connect with it more than someone else, because I'm just me, and I dont know other people's hearts.
But the song, My Immortal, by Evanescence drops me to my core sometimes.
I feel it so strongly in the soul I feel like ripping the skin off my body and revealing who I truly am, someone no one really knows.
My life is just a collection of memories, and it all means nothing if I have not lived life in the best way I can.
You know, I've experienced so much pain over the last few years, that I don't even cry anymore. its like I can't. I even TRIED to cry, and the only way I can do it is by bodily injury, hah. But I like the reasoning behind it. The more main I experience, the less someone else experiences. I know thats a lie to some extent, where the pain I recieve is created just for me to haunt me and torment me, and for me to live with. Well, yes, it is something that affects me on a daily basis and keeps me from sleeping nights such as this.
The deepest desire of my heart, above all else, I believe, is to be a life giver. I don't mean to my friends or family, obviously not because it doesnt show that way, but to people that tear me up inside with their own pain. I find myself often looking into the eyes of a single mom strolling her kid to the apartment complex, and things of that sort.
I know I'm not good at a lot of things, but if you ever open up to me, you will find my true heart, and my true purpose for living. I want to be the person that God wants me to be, and I swear to you I am the most loyal and honorable confidant you will ever find.

Sunday, September 12, 2004

Yep, I'm back from canada.
You want pictures? Yeah, you want pictures.
here they are.
here
here
here
here
here
here
here
here
here
here
here
here
here
here
here
here
here
here
here

Saturday, September 04, 2004

I wish I could write something so beautiful, it would comfort you always.
I am dedicating this post to my Girlfriend, whom I dearly love.
She is the most important person in my life, and I pray I never take her for granted. She is amazing, wonderful, caring, sweet, pretty, talented, and everything else in between. Truth is, I don't take in a breath without breathing life she gives me. Her every caress softens my heart, her every presence motivates me to be better as a person, her every thought draws me to her.
I wish I could make her happy, because she deserves so much to be happy. But she would never say that, and you would never know until you learned of her heart. No one has ever really done that, and I feel honored above honored to be the first.
So wherever she is, whatever she is doing, maybe she will know that I love her, and I will be with her.
My pride and joy is in her, and she doesnt even know it.
Smile for me, because you are loved! (haha, yes, thats right, smiiiiillleee, woot!)

Sincerely,

Ricky

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

Why do people say to other people
"It will be alright. I love you, and you can always call me."
Okay.
Are they doing that for the other person, or for themselves?
Of COURSE they think its for the other person.
But I think its for themselves.
They feel better if they can help someone.
They feel better if they have pledged their loyalty.
They feel like they have completed some obligation as a friend, and therefore a "good friend."


Well, BULL on that.
You arent a friend until you realize that maybe you shouldn't offer them your hand and sit back, but maybe go and hug them, and try to be their friend. Instead of waiting on that sideline as they die inside.
Help them find their answers and give them a shoulder to cry on.
It is not about you, it is about them. So get over the entire idea until you are ready to go to them without your sense of pride or anything else but pure love for them.
I don't think many people even realize this. And they think they truly do love.
Hardly anyone knows real love in this world.
its pointless for me to keep going. You can't explain these things, you haveto realize love, not explain it to eachother.

Monday, August 30, 2004

I'm tired during the day, but not deep in the night.
strange.

btw, don't try typing with gloves on.
its hard.
so much stuff to do before mom and dad leave, and I leave... prep this, make sure the house is in good condition, pack, blah blah blah...
I still need to go to lindmark! Bah, they owe me money, I should just go and finish up that computer move and get some money.
I'm hot! it is hot in here.

Saturday, August 28, 2004

interested in a free I-pod?

not too hard to do.
Well, tomorrow I go paintballing with dad for the last time before he goes to europe for FIVE AND A HALF WEEKS.
then on to PAX- penny arcade exposition. Should be fun.
Bleh busy busy busy.
I hope I meet some of my online friends at PAX- Deezee and whoever else.
Mom and dad leave next friday for europe...
Oh, and, they bought a new car... A white volvo, 2000.
I don't like volvos very much...

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

I decided to go all out and purchase seven of the new Torid Xs to sell on e-bay. I think I can sell them at good resell values and make some good cash. I guess we shall see!
heres what they look like. I got one of every color, and two black/red and black/blues.

http://odyssey.tv/products/markers/toridx/

I hope this works!
they cost me a lot of cash.

Monday, August 23, 2004

I just shelled out 850 dollars for tuition for this upcoming quarter.
FUN!
:( not really. And I still haveto pay for books.
So heres my schedule for fall quarter, September 27th thru December 19th(or something like that):
Schedule
Item Course Credits Class_Day_Time Building Room Instructor
4242 G BUS101 5.0 DAILY 0830A 0920A C161 Lum L
1961 SPCH 225 5.0 DAILY 0930A 1020A R211 Hurst S
1262 ENGL 101 5.0 DAILY 1130A 1220P R305 Magie E

Course descriptions:
G BUS 101
Introduction to Business . 5 CR

Examines the role of business in a modern economy: growth, structure, organization, and relationship to the environment. Students investigate the objectives, functions, and management of business firms. Other topics include problems of organization, decision-making, and controls. Fulfills social science course requirement at BCC.

SPCH 225
Small Group Communication . 5 CR

Explores effective communication in small groups. Students examine aspects of group process, including leadership, conflict management, decision-making, conformity, and critical thinking. Students work in groups to test theories and practice skills. Fulfills social science course requirement at BCC.

ENGL 101
Written Expression . 5 CR

Develops clear, effective writing skills and emphasizes writing as a process. Students practice writing in a variety of forms and modes. Either ENGL 101 or COMM 141 meets a written communication course requirement at BCC. Prerequisite: Placement by assessment, or ENGL 092 or 093 with a C- or better.


I got REALLY lucky with the english part- you haveto take the Compass test to assess into what english class you need to take, english 101 being the highest. There are SEVEN OTHER ENGLISH CLASSES that you haveto test out of before you get to english 101. And if eng 101 is required for a certain degree, those people haveto take all seven of those clases to even get up to it. I'm glad I was able to test right into it... otherwise I'd be at engl 70, 80, 81, 88, 90, 98, 99 blah blah. Lot of extra english. heh.

Hopefully gonna get my car fixed tomorrow, have Rod look at it at his house.
Gonna buy a few of those new TES Xs and see how well they sell on ebay. Wish me luck.

Saturday, August 21, 2004

HASH(0x8adc048)
Your soul is STEADFAST. You are a fiercely loyal
person who would never cross a loved one.
People always know they can rely on you and
your dependability is well-known. You're
probably a little on the quiet side, but your
faithfulness is never doubted, and you always
back up your kith and kin whether they want or
need it or not. You are a dependable and
trusted soul.


What Is Your Soul's Trait?
brought to you by Quizilla


I think that fits rather well.

On another note, I have a barrel kit for my gun, an Empire 7 piece kit. Should help a bit with accuracy, and it MATCHES MY GUN! woot. Check it out.


Wednesday, August 18, 2004

Drove up to bellevue. Got pretty much everything squared away... signed up for two classes, waitlisted another one.
Took the Compass test, got a 98 (woo) out of 99.
I wonder if I should be getting a job or what.
Hurm!
All total, college will cost me like 6 grand.
Very cheap.
For an Associates of Arts in Information Technology - Network Services & Computing Systems, Microsoft Network Engineer.
91 credits needed...
And I should get a few from south seattle, transcribed from OSC to them.
We shall see, maybe save me some more cash.


Anyways, thats not why I'm still up at this time of night.
My mind goes and I don't feel like sleeping...
You know, I almost feel bad. Amy has given me five different things on four different occasions.
Graduation book, Qoute book, "Who Am I" Book, and an outfit for my birthday. What have I given her? A biodegradable flower or two...
Her gifts are simply amazing and touch me to the core with her profound voice and soft touch, but I gave her a flower.
:/
I know I'm not as creative as her, but I should prolly take the time to do something to make her know how special she is to me.
Sorry for anyone else that is reading this, usually only Amy does.


Why do us humans always have our guilt and pain we carry around with us?
All of us do it, pretty much. It is second nature, really...
We all must learn the truth and come to understand it is not our fault and the pain is not for us to bear, for us to make our lives better, so we can do things we are meant to do.

<3s to my reader. :)

Monday, August 16, 2004

Tomorrow morning I drive up to bellevue community college to sign up for all of my classes.
kind of excited, yet kind of not. My life is headed in good directions.
The quarter starts September 27th, so I still have quite a bit of time on my hands...
I'm curious if I am going to go for my bachelors degree after I get an associates... it would certainly help my job situation quite a bit. And would not be too expensive at BCC, thats for SURE.
heh.

Sunday, August 15, 2004

My big experience of the week:

I was at Patriot Paintball with fil, doin a 3v3. Fil and I were left, vs one guy (he had a DM4 and was skilled)
He bunkers fil, and as I'm reloading dives behind the snake. I keep his head down with cover fire, run (WHILE SHOOTING WOOT! AND ACCURATELY!) and bump to a laydown 20 ft away and pump his butt full of a hopper.
woot woot!
That made my week.
In other news, I just bought a new barrel kit for mah gun(s)...
urgh, I probably should not have.
o well.

I miss Amy a lot. She is sick so I don't want to go over there, cuz I'll keep her from resting and getting better...
I love her.

Blah blah blah bored.

Thursday, August 12, 2004

Yay, I got my new hopper today!
it looks pretty, so I took a picture.


the only thing that doesnt match is my barrel...
its a nice barrel though. :/

now I should be able to fire up to 24 bps roughly.
if my fingers can pull that fast. and they can't. Probably around 15-17 max I think, and maybe thats optimistic.
Still, fast shooting.
my mouth is completely numb on the right side. I think I've bitten my tongue and cheek several times, but I can't confirm that since I have no feeling.

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

My uncle Roger's funeral was today.
I didnt know him that well, but I knew he was a nice person.
I decided not to go to the funeral, because it kind of scares me- death.
A lot of my relatives are in poor health and I feel like I don't want to approach the entire situation. Maybe I'm just running from it, and I don't want to confront death.
Well, my grandmother's health is failing, and my dad's isnt very good, and my great grandmother is what, 98 yrs old now, and blah blah blah...
This isnt really the first time someone I have known has died. I've had a few kind of close friends online, that one, was killed by an overdose, and the second shot himself while on the phone...
Well during the days I knew those people I spent well over like eight hours a day on the computer talking and gaming with those kinds of people, so I knew them better than their parents did, them being recluses like me.
But this is the first time its come a little closer to home as far as reality. I mean, I never met those people in real life- almost, but never did. My uncle Roger, I met him.
He was dead two weeks before someone found him. Just dead, on his couch.
His landlord came buy to collect rent and finally he just opened up the place and found him.
He was only 50 yrs old or so...

What a lonely death. Isn't that horrible.
I guess I know I'm a strong enough person to deal with death, but I just don't want to. It's just a horrible situation all in all.
Maybe I'll come to some great conclusions about it when I've had more experience with it, and it will be okay...

May you rest in peace, Roger. You truly were God's own.

Monday, August 09, 2004

Not a bad birthday. Not one of the more eventful ones, but it wasnt bad.
Amy gave me a nice outfit, shirt and pants, and I think they look rather good.
Got a 120 dollar hopper from mom and dad, and 20 more bucks from dad for gas or something like that.
Got a bunch of taffy I've been eating for the last hour sitting here too, its pretty good. From Amy's parents. :)
Went over to Rod's and we watched the brickyard 400 and the hydro races, had some burgers and some cake. Good times.
They have a new pet bunny, cute lil guy, they named him Dover, after the racetrack. hehe.
Took a nice long nap, too, then went and hung out with Amy, like every other night.
So I've got 78 dollars in my wallet, and I'll keep that for my trip to Canada.
Lets see, average of five dollars a meal, times three meals a day, times seven days...
105 dollars for food. That sounds about right, for one person...
And then things that I want, like souveniers and things I want to do while I'm up there... Don't know how much I should bring for that... Probably another 100?
And I wonder if I should pool my money with the other guys that are going, and we can buy bulk food... And bring food.
I'll haveto work it out in more detail. But not on my blog.

Later, and thx for all the great birthday cards and presents! :)

Saturday, August 07, 2004

Saturday, august 7th.
My birthday is tomorrow.
I already have my present from my parents, or should I say its on its way. I decided to get a Halo B, which is a super fast loader for my paintball gun. That way I can shoot fools even faster. I got a nice pretty blue one, with a RIP drive- which means if the batteries run out, or it jams, I can fix it with a little twist of a nob. It'll match my gun rather well, and kind of set off the entire ensemble. Besides my barrel, which is a shiny pewter, and kind of doesnt match anything. hehe.

Apparently we are going to have a BBQ at Linny and Rod's house tomorrow... Watch some of the seafair stuff. I like F-18s. Especially if they are flown well. So that should be somewhat fun.
I'm kind of chillin today, not much to do...
I wish somethin fun would happen.
Like a LAN or a buncha friends come over or something.

Bleh.

<3s to my reader(s).

Friday, August 06, 2004

I just took a very long IQ test and a personality test.
I think that the personality test is very accurate, but I have no clue about the IQ test- I've never taken a real one. If that wasnt a real one.
I dunno.
Heres my results.

Personality test:
Ricky, you're an Observer! You are an indispensable equalizer amongst the various groups that comprise your life. You feel that the spotlight and center stage were made for other people to act out their fantasies.

This means you're one of the more kind-hearted people around. You are unusually intuitive, and you probably understand yourself, as well as others. That also means you're a good mediator — though you may prefer to spend more time on your own than most.You are better equipped than many to steer your life in the right direction. Understanding more about the components of your personality will reveal unique information that even people like you might not realize. And the better you know yourself, the more confident you'll be making decisions that affect your life. And that's just scratching the surface!


IQ Test:
Congratulations, Ricky!Your IQ score is 131

This number is based on a scientific formula that compares how many questions you answered correctly on the Classic IQ Test relative to others. Your Intellectual Type is Visionary Philosopher. This means you are highly intelligent and have a powerful mix of skills and insight that can be applied in a variety of different ways. Like Plato, your exceptional math and verbal skills make you very adept at explaining things to others — and at anticipating and predicting patterns. And that's just some of what we know about you from your IQ results. This means you are highly intelligent and have a powerful mix of skills and insight that can be applied in a variety of different ways.

to take these tests go to: http://web.tickle.com

you can also make a test and have your friends take it to see how well they know you. Was thinking about doing that.
I think I will.

http://connect.tickle.com/test.html?id=LmrXt_rYz4VkOMaq&uid=Dsn_-htYi-9rR7OM&

Take the quiz!

Wednesday, August 04, 2004

eh, I am not in the mood to fall asleep right now...
sides, it doesnt matter, right? It's summer? :/

It's always times like these, when I'm alone, that I can explore my feelings a little more in depth. I like music, because it helps me do this. I can identify with certain songs, like, oh, Incubus - I miss you. I've got playlists FULL of songs I like to listen to when I'm in this sort of introspective mood.
I don't like to share ALL of my findings with everyone, so read on at your own risk. Yes, it is a lot of thinking, sorry Ashlee, I can't help it, it's who I am. :)

You get all of these claims by thousands of different people about love. Songs, poetry, qoutes, books, so on. People tell you love never lasts, it never fades, it is always honest, it is the best thing in the world, and you can go out and purchase with your hard earned cash all of this reasoning(Which is kind of an oxymoron- love and reasoning) about love.
This is how I think of it.
Thousands of generations of folks have gone on with their lives. People live, people die, life goes on. What happens in between doesnt matter so much, doesn't have so much affect. The one thing us lowly humans are capable, is love. So go, live your life- but find something to live it for. Find reason behind your morals you make for yourself, find reason behind your actions. Find something that is worth all of your years- something you can be proud of. Me? I invest my heart and soul in love. I must say, not just to one person. I love God, I love Amy, and God commands me to love my neighbors (in which he means everyone) and so I try to find good in people around me, too(its hard to love strangers if you can't tell what good they can do for you...)
So with our small little lives, we must make something of it, before we turn to ashes and dust. I believe my heart is my most valuable posession- over my computer, my drumset, my music.

Okay- so, I am going to make my mark on this world with the love I give.

How do you love effectively?!
With all of these different "This is what love means" books and whatnot, it can be hard... So this is how I view it.
People have and make relationships with eachother. A good relationship is based off of something wholesome- for me, I believe all relationships should be based off trust.
If you can trust someone to be there for you, if you can trust someone to do something for you, if you can trust someone to take care of you, no matter what. Or maybe you can trust someone not to be there for you, it goes both ways. But trust is what the core of a relationship should be(remember this is just my take on things).
Now I believe a lot of what people say about love is true- Love is blind, love is beautiful, etc.
But I also believe love never ends. If you truly and honestly love someone in the right and proper way, with real trust and real total commitment to someone, it will never leave your heart, no matter who dies. (If someone is getting a divorce, do you really think it is, or ever was, the kind of love God intended for us?)
If you have the kind of true love God put in our hearts for someone, I believe it is stronger than any other thing on Earth. I'm not getting freaky and saying you can bend spoons with love- what I am saying, is that if two people truly love eachother the way God made love for us, then they shouldn't haveto bend spoons, it wouldn't matter. Love wouldn't stop when cancer strikes, love wouldn't stop when someone grows a tumor on their butt, love would see past mistakes, faults, any wrongdoings. It is more powerful than any of that trivial stuff- I believe love is the most powerful emotion/feeling/power humans can have. Two people truly love eachother, they will do pretty much anything they can for eachother, without question, and pretty much value the other person in the relationship more than themselves. It makes sense to me, if this is done correctly, then they will both be taken care of, right? But America, and humans, are naturally extremely self-centered. So it is EXTREMELY hard for someone to have the kind of selfless love God has given us. Can you lay down your life for someone? Sure. Can you stop watching TV for the rest of your life for someone? Maybe. Can you go live in somalia for someone, for the rest of your life? Wow. Thats asking a lot, even more than death. Same thing God asks of you when you become his eternal servant. Not to die for him, but to live for him. It is harder.

In essence, Love is the hardest thing for us to truly attain, but is the most sought after. Who among us is truly ready to give up the next eighty years of our lives? If you truly love, then you would gladly and graciously give your life and every aspect of it for someone.


I pray I can love someone that much someday. It is not today, I know that... But I pray I can find what God gave us, the power to love. To love God, and to love a spouse, and to love my neighbor. If you finished reading this, whoa. You deserve a cookie. (I don't have any. But thanks for reading it. :) )

Until next time!

-Ricky

Monday, August 02, 2004

This marks my passing of fifty posts.
Saw the movie, The Village last night.
Quite a bit different from what I expected. It was pretty good.
I encourage everyone to listen to Digitally Imported, the online radio station every once and again for your trance/techno fix. They have all sorts of different techno, find a station you like. Its spectacular!
http://di.fm
I personally like the regular trance channel the best. The other channels are great too though.
Mah Birfday is in siixxxx dayyyyssss!
unfortunately on my calendar, bracketing my birthday, are multiple dentist appointments.
how fun.

Doom 3 comes out today... Everyone is all excited and stuff.
I'd probably play it, but parents don't appreciate that kind of game too much, so I'll not play it unless the opportunity arises. Its one of those super extreme scary games, where there is a three headed five legged monster very slowly walking after you, and you unload your last five bullets into it and it still comes on... so you haveto pull out some totally wicked crowbar or... chainsaw or something to try and finish it off as it lashes its death-rape-tentacles at you.

*breathe*


I'm hungry.
afk.

-Ricky

Tuesday, July 27, 2004

eh, sometimes  I wonder why I blog.  I guess thats why I don't a lot of the time.  Who cares, who reads this anyways.  And the people that read it already know what I would write.
Sometimes I feel especially expressive or poetic- problem with that, is- I really am not very good at expressing myself.  And who cares anyway?  It's just to make myself feel better, right?

So much stuff to be done lately.  College coming up, and all...  working on a next MCSA test, filling out paperwork and applications, signing up for classes, working on my e-bay biz. blah blah blah.  Stop reading my blog, you don't really care anyway!  (Sides you hun.)

 
Let the touch of mist embrace you, as you fade into the night...

Ricky

Monday, July 26, 2004

Linkin Park
My December

This is my december
This is my time of the year
This is my december
This is all so clearThis is my december
This is my snow covered home
This is my december
This is me alone
And i
Just wish that I didnt feel
Like there was something I missed
And i
Take back all the things I said
To make you feel like that
And i
Just wish that I didnt feel
Like there was something I missed
And i
Take back all the things I said to you
And I give it all away
Just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone to come home to
This is my december
These are my snow covered dreams
This is me pretending
This is all I need
And i
Just wish that I didnt feel
Like there was something I missed
And i
Take back all the things I said
To make you feel like that
And i
Just wish that I didnt feel
Like there was something I missed
And i
Take back all the things I said to you
And I give it all awayJust to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone to come home to
This is my december
This is my time of the year
This is my december
This is all so clear
And I give it all away
Just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone to come home to

Good song.  Wonderful lyrics.

Friday, July 23, 2004

Off to Oregon I go.
I wonder if Alex is mad at me or something.
Not like I planned against him.  And I hope its not a big deal, we are sposed to be friends, right?
hum.
Hope Mike is having fun with Chris... wish I was there, too.

It is a beautiful day.  May God shine down upon us with his mercy and love, despite the things we do against him.

 

Tuesday, July 20, 2004

Ricky is depressed.
So much changing and different.
I like to hide in pure emotion, and wallow in pain.
I'm just so used to it, it almost comforts me to go back to it.
Emotional music, poetic things... love.
feels like thats all I have to hold on to these days.
not to mention other issues in life.
 
sounds like I need a rescue or something.

Sunday, July 18, 2004

School is over...
a new life has begun.
One of "Make your own decisions"
and "responsibility"
 
Responsibility has a whole new meaning.
I've got a lot of stuff to do!
I've got to sell like, five things on E-bay, I've got to do my taxes for my business, I haveto figure out my credit issues with BCC, get my classes for BCC, etc.
blah blah blah.
:/

Tuesday, July 13, 2004

one of my students FAILED!!! By ONE QUESTION!!!
I feel bad about that. If I would have drilled him just a tiny bit more, he would have passed.
Sucks.
:/
I'm really bored.
kinda tired, like always.
Agh, I have ten different bug bites on my arms.
I ITCH!!!!

Sunday, July 11, 2004

blog blog blog.
off to grandmother's house, where family wants to try paintball...
ugh. this will be interesting, to say the least...

Can life suck and be good at the same time?
Its a wierd feeling in the pit of my stomach.
not stomach ache feeling, but a feeling feeling.

:/

Saturday, July 10, 2004

did a playtest today, for 7 hours. It was good, the game was good, but I wont mention it on a webpage because of the NDA I signed about it.
Got two gratuity items, spose I'll sell em on e-bay and get some cash.
I'm kinda tired.

I hate drama, don't you?
besides on TV, I spose.

I suppose I should just stop caring about people and their stupid little ideas and how they try to hurt me.

Friday, July 09, 2004

0 comments
0 comments.
oh well.


What a very interesting past 48 hours!
Thats all I have to say about that! Good night!

Monday, July 05, 2004

I miss Amy SOOO much. She comes home today...
fourth of july wasnt too bad, besides the entire melancholy backround feeling to it all.
I can't stop worrying about her, either. Cut her finger, she did...
I wonder if I feel sick because of my feelings, or if I'm just feeling sick.
read on if you want to hear about mushy stuff.

I just want to hug her and kiss her and be with her. I've recreated a playlist I've had tucked away in my music library for some time, and the sole purpose is just to commune feelings with myself about someone I can't live without. It comforts me, that others feel this way too. I almost feel like curling into a big ball until she comes back. I think people call it lovesickness.


little ol' Ricky

Saturday, July 03, 2004

post post post post post.

This bear and I are inseperable. Almost as if we are making our own relationship.
What a crazy day! I've had nothing to do ALL day. So I sit here and think, and thoughts come and go as the tide.

Many think of feelings as hard to explain, but sometimes I think its easy to convey the meaning of them. While it might be hard to explain details, like its effects, certain aspects like its origin and reasons can be defined fairly easy.

You know, all of the songs I listen to come to mind. Each has its own series, or single, feeling its trying to portray- and it does its job.
Songs like Savage Garden's Truly Madly Deeply- I think anyone that listens to that can grasp some sort of idea of what the entire singer sings of.

I'm always so worried about doing the right thing, and making people happy, and doing whats good. Its unnerving really, when I get selfish thoughts, and I fight myself about it.
Conflict comes easy in my own mind, I suppose.

I'm going to write more, but not publish it, because I'd like to not have certain thoughts available to everyone. :)
I would blog every day if it made all of my wishes come true.

I'd probably do much more than that.

I feel like a stupid little kid holding on to foolish things. I'm walking around my house clutching a bear.
My actions betray my feelings... that rarely happens with me.
I can't hide it.
I sit here home alone on a saturday, nothing to do, nowhere to go.
Thoughts fill my mind, and confusion ripples through the room like a riptide and a whirlpool, at the same time, almost contradicting eachother.

At least I have my music.

Missing you with all that I am,


Lonely Ricky

Friday, July 02, 2004

Maybe if I blog all of my wishes will come true.




Or not.
:( had to try.
I feel like a child again, snuggling with a teddy bear.
I clutch it like I am a child. :/
Off to work...
I miss Amy sooooo much.
its only been a day and a half...
I'm going insane!

Wednesday, June 30, 2004

I love her.

Monday, June 28, 2004

Hello my fan club.
Oh wait, I don't have a fan club! Aha!
So, I sit here. Going to a baseball game tonight with many relatives.
I wish Amy was coming, it would be fun to be with her.
I wish I had another ticket.
OSC is going well. I have five students, and all of them are learning quite a bit. I feel very confident that I have a solid class that will all be ready to take the MCP test by the end of the course. One of my students in particular is pretty much all ready to take it as I speak.
That makes me happy. My good friend Jeff is in town for the summer, that also makes me happy. Hes a cool guy, we can talk real with eachother, which is hard to do with others.
I guess I shouldn't feel bad for talking about my relationship with my girlfriend here, since she is the only one that really reads it.
Well, I am falling pretty hard for her. I think we all know that. I don't necessarily think thats a bad thing. I always fall hard. Hope its not scary for her or anything. I want to give her the world...
I suppose I should keep the mushy stuff to myself.
fourth of july is lining up to be very uneventful and extremely extremely lonely.
such is life I suppose.
At least I have my wonderful music...
I could sit here every day of my life and listen to my music.
There is a song for every feeling, every thought. I feel like I have them all... Or most.
Haha, Bryan Adams rules.
well I don't know what else to say.
Thats about all of my life these days.
I almost want people to tell me what to do. So I don't mess up.
<3

Saturday, June 12, 2004

Blog blog blog!
like a clog!
or a dog!
in a bog!
Beside a cog!
I like pizza!

I sit.

Tuesday, June 08, 2004

haven't blogged in a while!
Well then!
Saw the 3rd Harry Potter movie tonight. Pretty good.
I feel melancholy, with my high school career drawing to a close.
the last twelve years of my life have been taken up by 8 hours a day of school.
And no more.
College, yes... but that is so much different. You PAY!


I am working on a new website, http://www.savagepaintball.com
I'm going to sell paintball gear online!
I don't even really know why I am doing this.
I should really get a better focus for it...
And goals.
It is a lot of work designing it all, setting it all up, getting licensed, purchasing, merchandising, designing invoices...
blah!

if I just keep investing a lot of time in it, I might make some cash!

And, with summer session of OSC here soon, I will have more money. And I'm still doing the lindmark thing, few hours a week, fixing computers, installing new ones, doing contracting wiring bids, etc.
I wish I would just get HIRED at microsoft!
Agh!!
God, if your listening, I come to you with a humble heart and ask you most graciously for a position at Microsoft.

Its all almost over...

To visualize the last peices of my life that are falling away, I have picked several physical things to hang from my wall.

First, is my old cross necklace. I hang it on the wall, because it was in the past, but its something I always want to remember.
Second,
my 8 year band award. I love music with a passion, and I will truly miss hearing our amazing band perform amazing works of art. I doubt I will ever be apart of a group that amazing ever again.

Third,
is my two OSC graduation medallions, and my student of the quarter medallions.
This is to show how much time and effort I actually HAVE put into OSC, with volunteer teaching the MCP class for years on end, to coming in on off days and designing huge networks. I love computers, and I love technology. I truly learned a lot.

And lastly on my wall is my gamestop nametag.
I did like the people at Gamestop, but the entire environment was extremely oppressive, with customers expecting to be treated like royalty, and treating us like peasants, doing shady returns, etc.
It was truly fun to play steel battalion at 4 am with Chris and Justin and Dennis. They were cool people. I just realize I'm not going to stay in a position that will lead me to a life of underclass wages and dehumanization.

Also, deep in a drawer locked away... the bracelet of Jade that my great grandmother once had.
It symbolizes my heart. The things jade symbolizes and represents, to me, and to the people that work closely with jade.
not to mention a character named Jade in a few of the books I read.



Hows that for blogging!

P.S.
my heart contorts to the feeling of needing to fill the distance between you and me.

Wednesday, May 26, 2004

I was prompted to write this volume after hearing a pretty good sermon at New Heart Worship Center, where pastor Joe talked about finding your purpose in God. If you are seeking God's will, he will use you. If you are not ready, he will pass you by.
This volume is very convicting for me, and it might be for you, too.


Things Left Unsaid, Vol. 3

"I'm a good person."

You must obtain drive for your life to feel purposeful. Motivation comes and makes people feel better about themselves, because they are working toward accomplishing something. People have a need, or want, really, to feel purposeful- so their drive and motivation has some selfish reasoning behind it.
Have your cake and eat it too. It makes you feel better about yourself.
Convince yourself you are a good person.
Most people are good people. They will help old ladies across the street, give a homeless guy some money, etc.

People do enough to feel like they are a good person. That is good, but it makes people complacent and only do enough to make themselves feel that they are good.

This is what makes people ineffective! Passive!

Chronically depressed people probably see this, and just decide not to convince themselves they are good people.
But society has put a taboo on depressed people... Give them drugs! They are wrong!
Maybe they aren't wrong. Low self-esteem people just don't try to make themselves feel better.

Humans are thick with selfish delusions of "I'm a good person."

Maybe you even do good things out of your heart. You are a good person, then. But it still makes you feel good about yourself.

Whats wrong with this?
nothing, really. Except thats all you will end up doing your life. Probably nothing really life changing, just enough to make you feel like you are a good person on this earth. Might even die happy.

Only God can give you the kind of purpose to lift you out of this complacent lifestyle.

He will give you true purpose, and I promise you, each and every one of you, if you find God's purpose for you, you will be more than a good person. You will do more than you have ever dreamed of.


You probably are a good person.
Don't die a good person, die as a servant of God.


Most Sincerely and Respectfully,

Ricky Ochs

Sunday, May 23, 2004

I think I'm convinced that its just web crawlers tripping my page counter, not actual real people.
So I am safe in sanctity.

So my paintball gun was having fits again on saturday. Got some good playing in, but I think I'm going to send the gun back and get her all fixed up.
She is a great gun, but she has a real attitude.
I'll get the board replaced and everything should work dandy.
I'm thinking of maybe getting a CP barrel kit, a spring kit and lowering my pressure, and a new spudnukl bolt.. although everyone talks about how spudnukl is not sending out its orders and is keeping the cash, and you can't get a hold of them. Too late, I ordered mine last week... well, its okay, I'll get a refund thru visa.
:/
went to my one year old cousin's birthday party today.
she got more presents than any other birthday kid I've ever seen in my life.
and now I'm kind of melancholy... I miss my girlfriend.
Church was good, and I've got a few good ideas for "Things Left Unsaid" Vol. 3.
I think I might start writing about it tonight or in the next day or two.

Tuesday, May 18, 2004


You're a Speak & Spell!! You nerd, you. Just
because you were disguised as a toy doesn't
mean you weren't educational, you sneaky
bastard.


What childhood toy from the 80s are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


crap, I'm a speak and spell...
I always liked those things.

:/
Today I am off to Lindmark Mills to configure an NT4 network with a new proxy configuration.
Instead of a cheap dialup proxy, I'm going to set up a router configuration with DHCP for the network. I'm going to haveto tear down all of the static routes. ugh.
We also have three new client machines on their way.
I might haveto reconstruct all of the employee's personal links to the NT4 server if the paths are different, but DNS should still work over the workgroup and prevent that from happening.
It is kind of nice, being free of the oppression of retail work. Now I am gearing up for a real job that I have been learning for all my life.
With lindmark and OSC both paying me this summer it should be enough cash to cover the bases while still giving me enough time to look for my dream job and gear up for college.
Yay.
I wish there was an easy way to do all of this work.

Sunday, May 16, 2004

So here I am on a sunday afternoon.
Yesterday was my last day of work... and what a piece of work it was.
I had been wanting to go paintballing this specific saturday for quite some time, because several of my good friends were going. The issue was, work. Ugh. Well, I had everything worked out, I called up work and got my schedule moved around so I worked 4-10, instead of the usual 3-10. Gave me some time, but I'd still haveto leave the paintball field pretty early to get to work. That was okay, in my mind.
And then, because of my own neglect, my car finally lets me know that this neglect will go no further- the leaking radiator hose finally started to really leak. So I had to take her in...
And so here I was, without a car, a means of getting to either the paintball field or work.
So I figured, well, I'm screwed. If I can manage a ride to the field, I would get home around oh, 4:30 or much later. And even then, I wouldnt have a way to work...
So the first thing I did was ask my mother if she really needed the use of her car that day. No, not really, she said. So, great, I was back in business. Until my dad walked into the room and very bluntly put that her car would not be used to transport me to a paintball field. Well then. Still up a creek without a paddle.
So I figured I could just say screw it, and either not go to paintball, or not go to work.
So after countless hours of thinking about it, talking with girlfriends for advice, etc. I figured I'd just leave a message for the guy that might pick me up in the morning for paintball, and if he showed up to pick me up in the morning, then I'd go, if he didnt, I'd go to work.
So the morning of, I wake up and see I have a message from this friend, and it states, "Naw, I can't pick you up, I am going to stay at the field til 4ish, and you need to leave at 2:30 or so." Obviously he didnt know that I had resolved to just forget about work if I went to play paintball.
Mind you, this would be my first time of ever being late to work, or ever really thinking about skipping it in any form. In all of the 6 years I've been working. So I just went back to bed and felt frustrated.
And then at about 9 am, I heard some cars pull up and I looked out the window to see the two cars of people there, to pick me up. Well well. I was in my boxers, with nothing ready to go play paintball.
I ran out the door, said "I'll be ready in two minutes!" and promptly threw everything I needed together and ran out the door.
So we played paintball. And it was good.
My boss had known about my car situation, so he didnt even know if I was going to show up at all. But after I was on my way home, already late, I found a message from my boss, saying, "I guess this means you wont be making it." I called the store back and said "I'll be right there, I got a car to use!" So I took a quick shower and drove my mom's car to work.. which, all in all, I was only 40 minutes late.
What a day. And then, since its my last day of work, it was filled with sad thoughts of goodbyes...
What a day. So I just now woke up and came down, and decided to explain all of this, because someone important to me told me of my infrequent blogging.
:)
P.S.
I miss you.

Friday, May 14, 2004

So now that Google has bought up Blogger, they added quite a few features, such as comments! Yay!
So I worked last night, I work tonight, and I work on saturday.
Goodtimes.
and I'm extremely tired, and I'm getting calls from Lindmark to go fix their network because they are getting a DSL line put in.

And everyone is trying to talk me into playing paintball on saturday right before work...
oh my. I don't think I have any will to oppose that idea, so I'll just be extremely tired at work...
oh well.
I might have fun, its worth it.
yeah I'm tired...
and I work.
so yeah...
last few days of work...
yeah...

Friday, May 07, 2004

I work today.
:/
dissapointed about that.
but I'm going paintballing tomorrow!
yay. Maybe somebody will go with me.
Well, otherwise, life sucks, and theres not much there.
Worked at lindmark yesterday. We decided on 20/hr for the work.
I sat there for 45 minutes watching a file compress, and talking computer nonsense to the employees for another hour, all while dollars were slipping into my pocket.
Thats nice.
Well I don't think I have anything else to say.
Have a nice day.

Wednesday, May 05, 2004

So I haven't updated in a while.
So some stuff has changed...
Sister moved out of the house, back with her husband, (thank God, I love her but she can be annoying)
I quit gamestop! Yay! The poor management and horrible treatment of employees is now behind me.
The reasoning behind quitting gamestop:
1. I have a somewhat new sustained income, from two sources:
OSC is paying me to teach the summer Microsoft Certification class.
A company called Lindmark Mills is going to start paying me to be their on-call IT guy, for around 25-30 an hour.
2. Gamestop. Ever since I started, over 19 months ago, their employee treatment has gotten worse and worse. From lowering discounts, to poor scheduling and store management, and even no compensations for amazing sales records.
There are a few good things, like being elligable to use the microsoft retailer's store and training sites, which let you get free copies of certain titles once in a while if you pass their little tests.

But anyways, I feel FREE!
retail throws a rope around your heart and if you don't escape, you'll be stuck in a working class position all your life.
I don't want that...
On to BCC!
but a microsoft position would be best for me right now... like a 3-9 server op shift or something like that. Then I would be completely set.
Although I must say with college and jobs, it doesnt leave a lot of time for a social life.
I'll make time for those important to me.
Now I just need to enjoy my last few weeks of High School, and keep my eyes peeled for a more solid IT position.

I'm still all very confused about who actually reads this. Shoot me an e-mail!

Friday, April 30, 2004

Hum. Paintballin' tomorrow with some fam. Good stuff.
listening to some Infected Mushroom... one song in perticular, "Converting Vegetarians" comes through extremely well on my sound system in mah car.
Ordered a few of their CDs I haven't heard before, just because they are so good. It is classical trance, if that makes sense. It takes the ideas of music, and trance, and applies some of the most rudimentary rules, and comes out with the most original, amazing works of art I have heard. They synth up their own sounds, and add things like acoustic guitar or piano, and... it is simply amazing.
I wonder at the number of visits this site is coming up with...
Who looks at my blog?!
Well, toodles. I'm going to spend time with people I care about.

Wednesday, April 28, 2004

I never doubted that we would have made it.
We could have.
It is done.
Our passion will live on in our hearts, but we now see the conclusion, and fulfillment.
It was never about the reasons we gave.
It was all orchestrated...
no matter how heartfelt and meaningful, which was genuine
it was orchestrated.
And God used me like I have never been used before.
All along, these precarious four years, I never let go. Until now.
And every day I would ask God, am I wrong? Are my decisions bad?
And day after day I would get loving signs from God. Not answers, just signs that he loves me.
Patience...
And so now she knows the true meaning of you, God.
Now her heart is in your hands, O Lord.
I pray that she have a safe journey through life, and may she find you as she looks.
For now, I only pray for your will, because only you know what is best in my life.
Sobs wrack my body as I realize myself.
Who am I?
God's Servant.
How strange it is to be judged by all around me.
wrongly.
Now I will go on living my life, the way God wants me to.
Rebuild my heart, from the ground up. Give me new hopes, new dreams.
Release the chains around my heart, so that I may truly love, as God has taught me to.
Some things are not meant to be said publicly about two people. I will keep those locked away.
And now, I learn to live life.
Guide me.

Game on!

Monday, April 26, 2004

"The Writer's Prayer"
Ricky Ochs

Lord Almighty,

Bless the words I write with you supernatural wisdom. May my poor wanderings bless others, so they may serve you, like you plead. Let me honor you with my humble ideas. Cast an unbeknownst point of view over things left unsaid in this notebook. I love you Lord. Guide my hand.
"Things Left Unsaid" vol. 2

What people feel are definitions of people. (What REALLY defines people)

I will sort and categorize the definition of a person here.

First and foremost, you see somebody's image when you define them(in your mind). Sally has short brown hair and a pointy nose with green eyes.
Impressions- this one is big. Do they annoy you? Does something about them annoy you? Are they fun? Sexy? Cold? Pick an adjective. Stinky?

Skills, or interests, comes next. Music, sports, literature, cooking, etc. It is easy for people to identify with common interests, building a friendship is easier that way.

The next one varies quite a bit depending on the individual doing the assessment. Quite the variable. What you value as a person comes right on the heels of interests. If Sally is a pagan and likes sacrificing things, it could be enough to end the relationship right there. What do you value? Religion, morals, maybe a good pair of pants? Trust? A rating system could be made for compatibility, but it is overvalued, because people can conform and change their values (sacrifice) if they truly commit, and love.

Actions kind of go hand in hand with values, but some actions are not based on the principals of value. Maybe Sally drives a Civic. Well what if some people think Civics are horrible? Does that lower their opinion of Sally? What if some people believe gas powered cars are anti-environmental, and they believe Sally is morally wrong to drive a Civic? Sally may have good intentions, but people see her as wrong, or stupid. Another example is, I wear purple polkadot boxers. People will have their own interpretations, weird, crazy, put any adjective here. Morally wrong? Who knows, maybe.

Under the impressions category, with less weight, we have attitude. Attitude can turn you off very easily. Sterile, lively, excited, silly, etc. Only extreme cases of attitude are included in a person's definition.

Lastly, we have choices. Almost like actions, but more definitive. Red or blue? Stay or go? There can be a lot of pressure, with judgement so handy in others. To eat or not, sleep or stay awake, self control, or indulgence?

With love,
Ricky Ochs
I just thought maybe people might like to comment on my stuff I put here.
Contact me at: Rickyo1138@hotmail.com
"The hardest part of being human is making sacrifices."
-RJO
Sacrifices...
Everything you do requires sacrifice of you.
Humble yourself and bring your sacrifices on a silver platter, because they do not go unnoticed.
Everything that matters in life has to do with sacrifices.
Love is all about sacrifices...
Trust is all about sacrifices.
Skill is all about sacrifices.
You always hear about the great people in the world explaining what they had to do to get where they are.
Sacrifice.
Pride and sacrifice cannot coincide.
Some people just can't find the will or the way to sacrifice for themselves or others.
To better yourself is one of the most noble pursuits
but it has nothing to do with ego
The moment you stop pursuing, the ego comes back.
Only the true at heart remain persistant through it all..
I wonder if I will ever be a good enough person.
I learn to hate myself for things I've done.
Sometimes I wonder if I am wrong in my decisions, but I don't regret them.
if I am wrong, then so be it... and I apologize to all of those I hurt.
Pain is not something I wish upon anybody.
Why am I rambling?

I fear not even I know.

Thursday, April 22, 2004

I have been finding myself writing.
here is what I am writing, because God told me to share it.

"Things Left Unsaid"
vol. 1

What motivates people?

Questions motivate people. Example, is God real? do you like Joe? Are you crazy?

Examples motivate people. Ghandi, Jesus Christ, Ben stiller.

Emotions motivate people. Hurt, detestment, love.

Socializing motivates people. It can define goals and intentions. Or maybe not... Politics? Motivating. It even Provides teamwork.

Gain motivates people. Sex, status, power.

Pressure motivates people. Peer pressure, social pressure, moral pressure, etc.

Interests motivate people. The selfish in nature urge to do something or get somewhere. American society defines selfish interests as "norms." Everyone does it, etc. Example: Don't call the black man a nigger because you don't want a social situation, or personal judgement. Not because, or less because, of the respect you feel toward a black person. No matter what people say, intentions are never fully known.

You decide your character. Your motives, as stated above. What guides you? What are your motives? Does anyone truly ask that question? I don't. Do you have guidelines? Does anyone actually fully follow their guidelines? Again, you decide. Maybe others tell you what is right and wrong. Maybe nobody does. Where are you then? Jail? A bar, night after night?
Who are you?

Please truly ask these questions of yourself. Only you can.

:: how jedi are you? ::
Well I've written like 6 pages in the last 12 hours.
I plan on posting them sometime, but thats a lot of typing!
didn't go to school this morning...
was up til what, 3 or 4 am writing.
good stuff.
Had some crazy dreams, too.
really really crazy dreams.
yeah, maybe I'll write some of it up tonight.
its very very crazy stuff.
it might offend people. It might move people. We shall see!

Tuesday, April 20, 2004

Life is but a dream...
Make what you can of it.
Dice roll, cards turn.
Make what you can of it.
People lie, people die.
Make what you can of it.
Opression exists, freedom is controlled.
Make what you can of it.
Blue skies, light breezes.
Make what you can of it.
Make what you can of it.

Sunday, April 18, 2004

The emotional state of the human being is hard to judge.
Emotions that cry out, emotions that hide. Factors that affect one's thought process and actions.
The words to describe are never enough to fully share.

A place of peace, a place of wonderment, is what we all desire.
A place where we can all go,
to get away from it all.
Where does one find such a place?
In your comfy chair at home?
One can never say.
What does your heart value?
Hard work? Morality? Compassion?
Why do people go to bed night after night,
in the same old bed?
Each must seek, or be forgotten.
Find your place, and declare to the world!
I am here!
I am here!
I am here!

Saturday, April 17, 2004

some verses I found that are very good to think about.

How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? Psalm 13:1

Get wisdom, get understanding; do not forget my words or swerve from them. Proverbs 4:5

They will forget their shame and all the unfaithfulness they showed toward me when they lived in safety in their land with no one to make them afraid. Ezekiel 39:26

And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased. Hebrews 13:16

But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. 2 Peter 3:8

Friday, April 16, 2004

Hum!
Well, to help stanch the flow off suckyness yesterday at work, I purchased two copies of Legend of Zelda: A link to the past four swords, for game boy advance, as well as a link cable. That way I could look forward to playing some good ol fashioned multiplayer zelda with Amy tonight! YAY!
We had a pretty good conversation last night. Then Ben and I talked, and hes all trying to repair my relationship with mike, that I really dont want repaired...
heh.
Then mike sends me an e-mail, that, in essence, says "I screwed up."
Glad he realizes that, but I think its going to take a lot more than that to fix it.
eh, I don't want to be his friend anymore. Thats about it.
he'd haveto do a lot to fix what happened...
Anyways. I'm excited about tonight!
yeah!

okay thats really disturbing. So I'm in my CNS room here at OSC, and we are working on the automotive tech teacher's computer that broke. The story is, he went out of town for a week and he came back and his computer was broken... and he thinks his son was on it exclusively.
Well, the computer is completely trashed, and we had to open the hard drive up with a different operating system.. and we found about, oh, 63 megs of porn...
I think we need to let the auto teacher know about his son...
heh.
Goodtimes!
:/
I miss Amy...

Thursday, April 15, 2004

So I went paintballing last night.
Pretty fun, if even there were only 4 people total there, including me and my dad and phil.
Yeah.
Just got a call from work, they need me to work today... Steve got in a car accident and "can't work" or something.
For a little bit, anyways. Shouldn't haveto cover more than one shift for him.
Makes me sad... I had planned to hang out with Amy and write a bit of my crazy dream down on paper, and she could help me, cuz shes better at descriptive words and formatting then me.
But noooo... :(
maybe we can do it tomorrow night, I guess...
I kinda miss her. Hope she is doing okay, seems to me like shes a little down and out about school. Worries me a bit.
Added a hit counter to mah blog.
off to the right, under the links.
I am just curious to see how many people actually visit the page...
that is all.
:(
I really wanted to hang out tonight, too....
Sux for me!

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

Well, some people tell me I dont blog enough!
Hmm, well, what should I blog about.
My best friend is no longer so. Something about he can't handle me being with his ex-friend, and how I'm really just trying to steal all of his friends.
then he threatened me and I told him may god bless the rest of his life. Without me.

So, thats the update I suppose.
Had a band concert tonight... was kind of interesting.
only one more in the rest of my high school life.
:/
kinda sad.
I was really worried today about Amy, she stumbled into my arms during passing period with a sheen of sweat covering her face, telling me she didnt feel so good... I felt so horrible, I wanted to do something to help her. Good ol' coach Merrill at his best.
The other day I put a rose on her car, half because I wanted to let her know how wonderful she is, half because I really enjoyed easter with her. I came and got her from her house during a family get together, and after convincing got her to go away with me, so we could walk the beach and watch the sunset.
And watch a crow get eaten by all its buds and almost die.
Yeah...
I only know of one person that reads this at all, so,
You are wonderful.
:)
Tomorrow I go paintballing for the first time in a looong time!
oh, it didnt work out, going paintballing the other day... they were closed... it REALLY sucked.
but yeah I'm going tomorrow night. With Dad.
Should be fun.
maybe put a cap in some minor's dome.
maybe not. hehe.
spose I'll come back with more welts than I'll give.
Alright!
Hope your day is going well. ;)

Friday, April 09, 2004

I think I wanna think of all the friends I've had over the years.
I'll start with most recent, I suppose.
I think I'll only include closer friends, not daily friends at school, etc.
So far, we have
Alex Murdoch - Fellow LANner and learner
Mike Britten - "best friend" and life sharer.
Amy Koester - So far, looking good.
Ashlee (Not a huge friend, but shes a cool person and Alex permitting it would be nice to be her friend.)
Phil Hebrank - fellow LANner and learner
Kyle Olson (breifly, 8 mo.s) complete butthead, but fun to play games with.
Clay Byers - very cool friend, solid dependable, but we just took different paths in life.
Leo Miller - best gamer I've ever known.
Chris Reid - Crazy supersoaker wing commander kinda guy. half boss, half friend.
Jeff Hebrank - Crazy weirdo. We talked about the deeper matters in life once in a while. Nice guy, if a little strange.
Jeff Cole - Mentor, friend, fellow entrepeneur.
Bob Wan - Crazy Wan! Half boss, half friend. He taught me some of why the world is stupid.
Ben Wright - Good friend. Half the time he doesnt understand himself, let alone the stuff around him, but he yearns to learn.
Traci Kamfonik - Closest friend I've ever had. Ever.
Chris Weiser - cousin, and friend. Not the closest friend, he never really fully trusted me, but he knew me to be honest.
Ivar Harris - Crazy Ivah! Great LANner, wonderful father and husband. Very smart chap.
Jaret Clifton - Crazy... in general. Always lost in himself, but he isnt a bad guy. an OK LANner.
Justin Hebert - Crazy guy... full of himself, loves God with a passion, great prayer buddy. 2nd Biggest letdown in my life.
Eric Willis - Great prayer partner, sometime mentor, when he acted the way he was supposed to.
Robert Duepree- Wonderful man of God, and amazing person in general. Microsoft employee- was my friend despite our huge age difference. Sharon Duepree - I <3 you.
Lydia - HAHAHA, first person to show me how shallow high school girls really can be.
Kelsie - First time I ever admitted to liking a girl. Friends for a few weeks.
Andrew (1st-4th grade) - My fellow BRAIN-STEALER! great fun, and a great friend that would never let me down. Bye, Andrew...
Lacie (1st grade & Kindergarden) Good ol' Lacie. First crush.
The Whites- Chelsea, Stephanie, Bryan, and Paul white. Friends for seven years, every summer EVERY day.
Stephanie Noss- Wonderful friend and cousin.
Mike (childhood mike... a million times different person.) - Bubba! Cars! Guys! I miss those days so much, almost makes me cry...

and I've missed a million more, I suppose.

updated 08-09-04




Which 1990's Subculture Do You Belong To?


[Another Quiz by Kris
@ couplandesque.net]

heh.
how great is that...
so true, I suppose.
Although I'd say I'm cultured to a degree...
So life sucks lately. Apparently Alex totalled his car.
It's okay he still hates me lately though.
I feel sorry for him...
Wonder if Mike still hates me, too.
:/
my paintball gun is tight.

yeah.
I've got a new barrel coming end of next week..
I'm gonna go paintballing easter sunday. Call me mean, but its the only day off on a weekend in a long while, so I'm taking it.
:/
I wonder if life will get any worse before it starts getting better.
We shall see!

Wednesday, March 03, 2004

letterofapplication.doc
letter of application to a blizzard job.

Tuesday, March 02, 2004

Resume.doc
my resume!
So my plans are to get my 70-290 and 70-291 tests done by summer, and try for a job at the Server Operations Center at microsoft right out of high school.
then that will pay for my college. and I'll get a 4 year degree.
then I'll own all!

Friday, February 06, 2004

As I sit here at home after a great couple hours of poker, I feel somewhat melancholy over the fact that I am dedicating over 30 hours or more a week to a job that is leading nowhere.
Sucks, don't it?
I received a call earlier tonight asking me to cover a midshift on saturday.
Well, with my current schedule in mind, saturday is realistically my only full day off, ever, at all.
gone.
And since only FIVE (theoretically six, but one is not considered a person by the rest of the guys) people are employed at the retail outlet I work at, there really is no choice but for me to accept the extra shift and feel like I am in a prison for gay men that weigh over 300 pounds.

At least I can sit here and rant about it all day long on my blog.

Thursday, February 05, 2004

As I eat a snickers here in class, I find myself coming to conclusions about certain aspects of life. Where sometimes I have come to these same conclusions, time after time I feel it comes to me in greater clarity and detail.

Interpersonal relationships are everything in today's society.

From school, work, relatives, projects, gaming, to everything under the sun, all of it uses relationships with others.
Sometimes you lose sight of how important these relationships are, and it affects them in a severe way. The way I came about this was with my focus being on managing my current schedule, as it seems to be very stressful and work intensive.
An average day begins with me waking up from a poor nights sleep at about 6:30, and getting ready for school. My first class at school is a mind intensive math class, jumpstarting my day early. Second class is Sociology, where we have a teacher that loves to discuss the different aspects of culture, society, and other parts of the world in which we live- all well and good, but we are rehashing ideas that I think about daily, but to a lesser extent. Third period is my music class, where I am the only senior drummer, so excellence is expected of me, even when I can not make time in my schedule to practice and focus more upon music. From there I get a short lunch break and head off to OSC, or occupational skills center, where my role is somewhat convoluted, in that I am part teacher and part student. The first quarter, even semester, was dedicated to me teaching several students about Microsoft Windows 2000, competently enough to get certified, even. As time goes on, the teacher of the class that I worked under started to hand out assignments to me and my students as they passed their windows 2000 tests, making my life a lot harder as I try and concentrate on other personal goals for the class- such as passing the next test in the MCSA course, or working on material I need in the upcoming rush for a better job. Stress runs pretty high because of our opposing goals in the class. After this, four or five days out of the week I go change and head off to work, a local games retailer. There I deal with angry customers and gum on the floor until about 10:30 at night, when the store is closed and I can go home. From there, I take about half an hour, my only personal time in the day, to check up on websites I might be interested in or other things. sometimes this stretches into an hour or two, and I get to bed around midnight or so. And the process repeats.

But as this happens, in every aspect of the day, there are people I talk to and communicate with at every level- my peers, such as coworkers, other MCPs at OSC, classmates, and friends, my superiors, such as bosses, teachers, directors, etc, and people that look up to me, such as the people I teach at OSC or the kids in band that ask me for advice.

So the point I'm getting to, is that the stress levels affect me greatly, and I let that stress bleed off into my daily conversations and life. Well, since your interpersonal relationships are everything, this greatly affects you. And, well, after a certain point I take things either too seriously or too emotionally. Sometimes you haveto just step back from the entire situation, and take a look at it.

Tuesday, February 03, 2004

When the assignment came up to make your own blog, I had plans to use an asp.net blog, but the material and knowledge needed for the kind of project I was thinking of was somewhat out of reach. The templates provided weren’t very powerful, and they felt kind of chunky, as far as how it worked. I looked around on the net for some other templates and came across an ASP and HTML combination site, blogger.com. As I was going through it, I noticed that you could use your own FTP server to upload your blog to- and I got an idea of how I could make an auto-updating blog that is hosted off of my own DNS name.
I already had the DNS name registered and port forwarded to an IIS server at my house, so I thought it wouldn’t be too hard to set up an FTP server and forward port 21. The issue is, blogger.com allows you to specify an FTP server to upload the blog in its entirety to that FTP server. Well, the issue with that is, it doesn’t publish it anywhere, it just uploads it.
The next step I needed to take would be to configure IIS for this to work. I reinstalled IIS with the FTP protocols, and set it up for authenticated logons only. I then gave the blogger site the login information and port forwarded the FTP ports on my router. So it uploaded the .asp and .html files to the ftp, but the home directory on the FTP server defaults to an IIS folder- specifically, C:/Inetpub/ftproot on the host machine. Well I wanted it to automatically publish to an HTTP server, which is kind of hard because it uploads on an FTP server. I configured IIS to use the ftproot folder as the home directory in IIS, so everything in the FTProot folder was dumped into the hosting on the DNS site. I set the blogger site to upload it as index.htm so it would automatically default to that when I brought up the name in a web browser. Lastly, I catalogued all of my effort in blogs, and started editing more of the blog content such as links and archives.
I did all of that after work at midnight or so, because that was the only time I had to work on the IIS server and the blogs because of goals mentioned in the blog. I will be posting a copy of this in my blog.

Monday, February 02, 2004

So I think I have my FTP site working here. I reinstalled IIS and set up my music server again, which should be working, and linked to over there >>
Just getting the darn thing to publish onto the server now...
ah, I see the problem. no write acess. okay brb.
I am working on getting the entire blog site up on my own hosting service and domain by setting up an
FTP server to upload the blog software to, so its easily accessible from anywhere.
This is the first day of my Blog.
Some objectives I have in mind:
Re-evaluate my resume and create a cover letter for several places I plan to apply to, including Microsoft for the High School internship program and Blizzard for the IT position that is available.
I also plan to continue working on my MCSA, by finishing up windows 2000 server. One thing I haveto do, as well as the other MCP students, is reinstall windows 2000 on all of the computers in the MCP lab.
And I work today. Blah.